MAN ATTACKED BY CLIPPERS, SCALP SURVIVES

The Disassociated Press

Published: January 6, 2001

Raleigh, North Carolina (DP) - An attempt at self-barbering last week took a dramatic, if not entirely unexpected turn, when an unnamed Raleigh resident's pair of electric clippers "slipped."

Horrified girlfriend Julie Gresens notes "he called me after ar-riving at work and said 'I have some good news and some bad news.' The good news being he had a haircut; the bad news that he had it all cut!"

Witnesses confirmed the victim's shorn status Wednesday as he made the rounds at work, poking his cropped top into offices and tempo-rarily blinding coworkers while exclaiming "Lex Luthor, greatest criminal mind of our time!"

Others reported seeing him wearing a ball cap, but without the trademark thick, black, matted hair underneath.

Subsequent investigation of the North Raleigh crime scene showed signs of a struggle, with congealing clumps of hair found on the floor, on the walls, and inside both the toilet and sink.

Investigators are still recreating the exact sequence of events, to determine both the number and severity of "clipper slips" re-ported by the victim.

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Photograph by Mike Legeros

Comments local psychology expert Lyon Couch, "victims of so-called 'clipper crimes' often intend for such outcomes to occur, as they secretly desire said follicle-challenged state."

Adds Ms. Gresens "he looks different, but I'm getting used to it. I just hope that, when asked, he'll refrain from telling people he had a bad case of head lice."

 
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