|legeros.com > Writing > Pink Picnic Table|
"Nickel and dime-ing," the special privilege of home ownership that sends We the Deeded to Wal-Mart, Lowes, or Hundred-Dollar Depot on a near-weekly basis, for the talking dolphin, er, expressed porpoise of adding, upgrading, or replacing Something Else in the House. (Occu- pancy obviously being the deciding factor here and probably why we're *way* less accessorizing when renting.) Old house, new house, or *brand* new house, it doesn't matter. The cash drip begins the moment the mortgagee moves in and immediately begins noticing the this's and that's that need purchasing. e.g. door stops, outlet caps, and exten- sion cords. Add a lawn and you *double* your fun, as that's both a first-time *and* seasonal expense. Sure, everyone has to buy (or at least bring along) a mower, blower, trimmer, or clipper. But there are *annual* expenditures, too. Like grass seed, garden mulch, anything else that may have rotted, with- ered, or weathered over the last twelve months. And if you've been *living* there for a few years, then the "ideas" start. (That is, if you haven't been thinking of them all along.) Ideas for change, per- haps a landscape tweak. Or a fence. Or a radical hedge-trimming. Or, as happened last week to Yours Truly, a picnic table painted... pink. Bright pink. See, there's this science store at the mall, the Cary mall, that's closing. So everything's on sale and thus why, two weeks ago, I pur- chased a *second* pinwheel for my backyard. You know, one of those Technicolor deals that wind-spins and which I staked right next to the other. Alas, the backyard *still* seemed drab. This being Spring and all, I pondered what *else* to add. And there it was, and right where it's always been, a decrepit, dirty white picnic table hiding behind a unkempt bush. What better color to brighten a backyard, I realized, but pink? And what better warm-weather activity then playing with spray paint?? So, as of April 8, 2001, on a certain street in Bren- twood, in a neighborhood obviously without convenience, the following seasonal expenditures were recorded. Enjoy the scary mental pictures. Picnic Table ------------ $29.00 - Pink spray paint, seven cans $2.75 - Spray paint can holder, with trigger $4.00 - Very large plastic sheet, to protect ground none - Nasal membrane air filter, included with body House ----- none - Bright green tape to wrap around white porch pole, candy-cane style. Already have $2.75 - White paint pen, for covering rust on newly wrapped porch pole $2.75 - Light blue paint pen, for drawing hieroglyphics and other symbols on second porch pole Yard ---- none - Pink spray paint for touching up faded flamingos in front yard, see above none - Cleaning solution for sign in front yard, at edge of circular patch of mulch: "Alien Landing Site, $3.00 Admission." Already have none - Weed killer for killing weeds, already have $7.50 - Cedar mulch, two bags (so far) $2.00 - Spark plug for lawn mower, replacement $4.00 - Second gasoline container, because the first one was at the house and the author wasn't Car --- $4.00 - Pink fuzzy dice, replacing faded fuzzy dice $7.50 - Red rubber trim, for door edges $4.00 - Red reflective trim, for rear bumper none - Hula girl, for hip-shaking in rear window. Already have Copyright 2001 by Michael J. Legeros
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Copyright 2021 by Michael J. Legeros