|legeros.com > Writing > Nostradamus Sleepwalks|
In the event of insomnia: Put clothes on; Get in car; Turn on heat; Drive south on Capital Boulevard; Shiver until heat comes on around Peace Street; Pass central fire station; Pass nearly completed Ray Price Harley building; Note irony of listening to "Sleepwalk" (Brian Setzer's version, from "The Dirty Boogie"); Watch for cops; Drive south on 401; Pull into parking lot of Garner Super K-Mart (open 24 hours); Grab grocery cart; Pass closed electronics section; Be disappointed by slim pickings in toy-car section; Play chicken with Zamboni-sized floor waxer; Laugh at "open mic night" sale announcements; Haggle with store clerk over price of Cold-Eeze (tablets not lozenges); Scan tab- loid headlines; Laugh at tabloid headlines; Purchase one of each, for the purpose of reprinting below: Headlines For December 7, 1999 ============================== o 5-ft-2 Woman: I Lost 815 lbs! (Sun) o New Shampoo Makes You Smarter (Examiner) o Demi Love Nest Scandal - Exposed! (Globe) o Jack Klugman's Secret Sex Surgery! (Globe) o Arnold Heart Surgery Terror (frowning) (Star) o Ricky Martin - Truth About Those Gay Rumors (Star) o Jaclyn Smith Rips Kathie Lee - Nasty Feud (Enquirer) o Lisa Marie Packs 20 Pounds - Shocking Photos Inside! (Enquirer) o Mary Tyler Moore: Sex Crime Victim - In Her Own Words (frowning) (Examiner) o Peanuts Slash Heart Disease - New Health Studies Reveal (Sun) o Bryant Gumbel's Wife Attacks Mistress - Divorce Showdown (Enquirer) o 'Practice' Hunk's Nude Romps & Affair with Julia Roberts (no pictures, I checked) (Examiner) o Tim Allen Divorce Nightmare - Booze, Drugs & Women (Star) o Oprah Splurges - $1 Million in Xmas Shopping Spree (Star) o Rosie's Baby's Secret - 'I've Got News...' (with moonpie- sized photo that's gonna haunt me) (Enquirer) o JFK Jr Betrayed By Cheating Wife - World Exclusive (Globe) o NASCAR Hunks' Intimate Secrets - Rev Up Your Engines, Gals (Globe) o Free Pokemon Giveaway! - Win Charizard - Why It's The Card Every Kid Wants! (except me) (Examiner) o Sleepy Hollow Beauty Slashes & Burns Her Body - Christina's Hooked on Self-Mutilation (Star) o Di's Son and Princess Grace's Granddaughter - Match Made in Heaven... (Examiner) o Jealous Kathie Lee Attacks Regis! - She Hates His 'Million- aire Success' (well, who wouldn't?) (Globe) o Nostradamus and the Fatima Prophecies - Uncensored at Last! - Secrets the Vatican Never Wanted You to Know - Warnings of Deadly New Natural Disasters - Startling Revelations on Second Coming of Christ - Plus Much More! (Sun) o The Year 2000 - Are We on the Eve of Destruction? - Are We Just Days Away From Judgment Day? - Is Bizarre Winter Weather a Sign From God? - Has Satan Unleashed Frightening New Viruses on Mankind? - Will 2nd Great Depression Bring American to its Knees? (Weekly World News, of course) Copyright 1999 Michael J. Legeros
Spot an error on this page? Please let me know, just click my name below...
Copyright 2021 by Michael J. Legeros