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The people they call They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul. I disagree. Call me a kook-- okay, you're a kook-- but I'd argue *bulletin boards* over optical outlets. You, know those rec- tangular corkboards that all too commonly occupy our kitchens, rec rooms, home offices, and work offices. Those poster-sized pin cush- ions that overfloweth with nick-nacks, bric-a-brac, and cluttered "chochkis." Really, short of actually getting to *know* someone, is there a better glimpse into a person's private world than to pour over their not-so-private collection of pins, patches, punctured photos, nastily snipped newspaper clippings, and treasured tacky tourist souvenirs? Well, unless they have a kick-ass Web page, I suppose... Here's some of what's on *my* bulletin board at the house. What's on yours? o newspaper-clipped chart of the leading causes of death in the United States in 1989. In order: heart disease, can- cer, stroke, accidents, chronic lung diseases, pneumonia and influenza, diabetes, suicide, liver disease and cirr- hosis, and homicides and "legal interventions" o magazine-clipped quote "what makes a man a really great lover is the way he talks to you, the way he looks into your eyes and *listens* to what you have to say so that you feel really *seen* by that man" o transcribed lyrics to the "Happy Anniversary" song from "The Flintstones." Sample: "Happy he and happy she are both as happy as can be; celebrating merrily their happy anniversary!" o transcribed quote used in TOM JONES: "Happy the man and happy he alone; he who can call today his own. He who secure within can say, tomorrow do thy worse for I have lived today" o non-business business card of mine with paraphrased Ben Franklin used in GONE WITH THE WIND: "Do not squander time, that is the stuff life is made of" o birthday card-clipped photo of delivery man in blue over- alls, ball cap, and cigarette, delivering enormous cake on push cart. Name on tag: "Buddy" o Newspaper-clipped chart of the ABCD's for identifying cancerous moles. In order: Asymmetry, Border, Color, and Diameter o AC/DC key chain and bottle opener, included as part of box set honoring singer who died of alcohol poisoning o tie-tying chart, with the following knot instruction: Windsor, Half-Windsor, Four-in-Hand, and Bow-Tie o black and white picture of fraud suspect, at the time wanted for selling fake band instruments o One dollar of AC/DC currency, promoting their single "Money Talks." Not for legal tender o newspaper-clipped listing of divorces granted in Guilford County, NC on December 30, 1991 o photo pin from "Married with Children." Word balloons: "Al, I feel like" "I don't!" o postcard of Bart Simpson dressed as an Army general. Word balloon: "War is hell, man" o postcard of man lying in hospital bed, frightened by liz- ard standing on stomach o slightly blurry photo of Raleigh's Truck #16 responding down Lead Mine Road o flyer for phone sex, received as response to personal ad some years back o photo of Yours Truly standing next to Durham's old Snor- kel #1 o magazine-clipped photo of Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter o First Night buttons from 1993, 1994, 1997, and 1998 o photo of Raleigh fire captain, at retirement party o House of Blues button, from the Sunset Strip club o small sticker: "You say tomato, I say f*** you" o close-up photo of friend, watchin' me o Raleigh Fire Department patch o iron-on Judas Priest patch o tiny green lizard (fake) o photo of old girlfriend o Three Stooges pin Copyright 2000 by Michael J. Legeros
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Copyright 2021 by Michael J. Legeros