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                  Living Hell - Volume #1, Issue #14

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Cool Car Decoration
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How to make a cool car decoration for Halloween:


  1. Go to Target.

  2. Purchase giant green "space alien" for $19.99 (plus
     tax).

  3. Act casual while carrying said plastic item under arm
     to car.

  4. Place objet d'yard art in back seat, either side.

  5. Position upright.

  6. Fasten his (her?) seat belt.

  7. Go to Radio Shack.

  8. Act casual while occupants of passing cars do double-
     takes.

  9. Purchase one (1) "Lighter Socket DC Power Cord with
     On/Off Switch," item #270-1559.

 10. Purchase one (1) "Miniature Lamp Holder," item #272-
     357.

 11. Purchase one (1) set of "#1487 Screw-Base Lamps," item
     #272-1134 (package of 2)

 12. Act excited while carrying said electrical items to
     car.

 13. Remove circular rear panel on back of alien.

 14. Remove power cord and light bulb assembly from circular
     rear panel.

 15. Remove "Lighter Socket DC Power Cord with On/Off Switch,"
     item #270-1559 from package.

 16. Plug "Lighter Socket DC Power Cord with On/Off Switch,"
     item #270-1559 into car cigarette lighter.

 17. Toggle "Lighter Socket DC Power Cord with On/Off Switch,"
     item #270-1559 power switch to "off" position.

 18. Notice exposed wires at end of said power cord.

 19. Remove "Miniature Lamp Holder," item #272-357 from pack-
     age.

 19. Connect said exposed wires to "Miniature Lamp Holder,"
     item #272-357.  Note: Requires screwdriver or Phillips-
     shaped finger.

 20. Remove one of two "#1487 Screw-Base Lamps," item #272-
     1134 from package.

 21. Screw said lamps into said lamp holder connected to said
     power cord.

 22. Attach lamp assembly to circular rear panel from space
     alien, snapping cord into existing slot.

 23. Optional:  Obtain 1x12 inch piece of sheet metal.  Bend
     1 inch of one end by 90 degrees.  Affix lamp assembly to
     bent section using glue, tape, or bubble-gum.  Bend 2 to
     3 inches of other by 30 to 50 degrees.  Affix said end to
     circular rear panel from space alien, bending and/or jim-
     mying as necessary to position lamp assembly as close as
     possible to center of interior of space alien's neck.

 24. Re-attach circular rear panel to space alien.

 25. Reposition space alien as necessary.

 26. Re-buckle seat belt as necessary.

 27. Start car.

 28. Test power cord power search.

 29. If subsequent green glow is not observed, (a.) wait till
     dark, or (b.) repeat above steps.

 30. Leave power cord powered on.

 31. Begin having more fun driving at night than ever before.

 32. Happy Halloween.


(Daytime) photo:




Boo.

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