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                  Living Hell - Volume #1, Issue #16

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November 5, 2001
================

Contents
========

  o More ASS
  o More Sights of the South
  o Operation Boo: The Pics
  o Operation Boo: Visitors Log
  o NCFFF
  o Monsters Ink


More A.S.S.
===========

Four people have died from Anthrax since September 11, 2001.  Yeah,
the offending spores may have been mailed days or even weeks later,
but, for our purposes, let's use that terrible date as a starting
point.  In seven weeks, four people have died from Anthrax.  Seven-
teen others, as of this writing, have been non-fatally infected.
Countless others, maybe millions of them, have been diagnosed with
Anthrax Stress Syndrome.  Or ASS.

Time for a reality check.  The present population of Uncle Sam's
land is 285,487,009 (source: www.census.gov).  The present fatality
count is four.  Thus, 4 out of 285,487,009 have died from Anthrax
in the last seven weeks.  Or, by simply division, 1 in 71,371,752.
Thus, the odds of dying of Anthrax during the last seven weeks is
roughly 1 in 71 million.  One chance in seventy-one *million*.

Friends, those are *lottery* odds!  Or, at least, *big lottery*
odds.  Says http://www.thelotterysite.com, your chance of winning
the "Big Game" is 1 in 76,275,360.  Versus Australia's "PowerBall,"
at 1 in 54,979,155.  Or, versus such far likelier "never happens"
as being struck by lightning, the odds of which are 1 in 700,000,
according to http://www.lightningsafety.noaa.gov.

Still, ASS is everywhere.  There's ASS in the streets, ASS in the
supermarkets, and ASS on every magazine cover.  ASS is breaking
news, worthy of 24-point type in print, or special, ASS-themed
graphics on television.  And that's a lot of ASS.  But just how
scary *is* a 1 in 71 million chance of dying from Anthrax?  Espe-
cially when compare to *other* causes of death??

With the help of 1998 statistics from the National Safety Council
(http://www.nsc.org), here are sixty-nine ways that you're way,
way, *way* more likely to die.  Included are the comparative odds
for meeting one's end, based on 1998 population totals and computed
for seven weeks instead of whole year.  Ergo, during any seven week
stretch of 1998, your chances of dying from, say, hanging, strangu-
lation, or suffocation averaged 1 in 350,604.  Have a relaxed day.

Causes of Death
---------------

  o Motor-vehicle (1 in 46,150 chances of RIP)
  o Suicide (1 in 65,660)
  o Homicide (1 in 112,198)
  o Firearms (1 in 115,218)
  o Falls (1 in 123,360)
  o Assault by firearm (1 in 170,161)
  o Drugs, medicaments and biologicals (1 in 204,061)
  o Hanging, strangulation, and suffocation (1 in 350,604)
  o Drowning, submersion (excluding water transport drownings)
    (1 in 506,447)
  o Fracture, cause unspecified (1 in 545,680)
  o Fire and flames (1 in 616,761)
  o Complications, misadventures of surgical, medical care
    (1 in 621,920)
  o Analgesics, antipyretics, and antirheumatics (1 in
    639,146)
  o Conflagration (1 in 747,137)
  o Inhalation and ingestion of other object (1 in 847,786)
  o Assault by cutting and piercing instrument (1 in 961,934)
  o Natural and environmental factors (1 in 1,319,893)
  o Fall on or from stairs or steps (1 in 1,445,325)
  o Inhalation and ingestion of food (1 in 1,750,267)
  o Mechanical suffocation (1 in 1,876,221)
  o Machinery (1 in 1,972,060)
  o Late effects (deaths more than one year after accident)
    (1 in 2,218,295)
  o Firearm missile (1 in 2,318,195)
  o Fall on same level from slipping, tripping, or stumbling
    (1 in 2,712,914)
  o Struck by falling object (1 in 2,776,703)
  o Air and space transport (1 in 2,901,093)
  o Water transport (1 in 2,901,093)
  o During sport or recreation (1 in 2,930,740)
  o Assault by hanging and strangulation (1 in 3,037,151)
  o Jumping from high places (1 in 3,232,780)
  o Agricultural machines (1 in 3,540,664)
  o Fall from or out of building or other structure
    (1 in 3,650,103)
  o Electric current (1 in 3,663,424)
  o Railway (1 in 3,898,168)
  o Cutting and piercing instruments (1 in 4,217,556)
  o Excessive cold (1 in 4,779,897)
  o Poisoning by other solids and liquids (1 in 4,814,284)
  o Legal Intervention (1 in 5,296,983)
  o Excessive heat (1 in 5,353,484)
  o Fall on or from ladders or scaffolding (1 in 5,703,286)
  o In bathtub (1 in 5,957,141)
  o Struck against or by objects or persons (1 in 5,974,871)
  o Other psychotropic agents (1 in 6,010,648)
  o Alcohol (1 in 6,691,855)
  o Adverse effects of drugs in therapeutic use
    (1 in 7,273,756)
  o Hunger, thirst, exposure, and neglect (1 in 7,966,494)
  o In bed or cradle (1 in 8,127,759)
  o Cataclysmic storms, and floods resulting from storms
    (1 in 9,840,964)
  o Child battering and other maltreatment (1 in 10,348,230)
  o Ignition of clothing (1 in 11,740,097)
  o Explosive material (1 in 12,951,978)
  o Generating plants, distribution stations, transmission
    lines (1 in 13,941,365)
  o Cutting or piercing instruments or objects
    (1 in 16,591,377)
  o Caught in or between objects (1 in 17,013,191)
  o Lifting machines and appliances (1 in 17,610,145)
  o Hot substance or object, corrosive material and steam
    (1 in 18,588,487)
  o Tranquilizers (1 in 18,762,211)
  o Fall into hole or other opening in surface
    (1 in 21,132,174)
  o Other injury caused by animals (1 in 21,586,630)
  o Earth moving, scraping, and other excavating machines
    (1 in 25,412,108)
  o Poisoning by and toxic reaction to venomous animals,
    plants (1 in 31,368,071)
  o Lightning (1 in 31,865,977)
  o Explosive gases (1 in 33,459,276)
  o Domestic wiring and appliances (1 in 34,026,383)
  o By falling earth (non-cataclysmic cave-in)
    (1 in 36,501,029)
  o Ignition of highly inflammable material (1 in 36,501,029)
  o Hornets, wasps, and bees (1 in 43,642,534)
  o Antibiotics (1 in 51,475,810)
  o Petroleum products, other solvents and their vapors
    (1 in 54,258,286)


Same List, Sorted by Cause
--------------------------

  o Adverse effects of drugs in therapeutic use
    (1 in 7,273,756 chances of RIP)
  o Agricultural machines (1 in 3,540,664)
  o Air and space transport (1 in 2,901,093)
  o Alcohol (1 in 6,691,855)
  o Analgesics, antipyretics, and antirheumatics
    (1 in 639,146)
  o Antibiotics (1 in 51,475,810)
  o Assault by cutting and piercing instrument
    (1 in 961,934)
  o Assault by firearm (1 in 170,161)
  o Assault by hanging and strangulation
    (1 in 3,037,151)
  o By falling earth (non-cataclysmic cave-in)
    (1 in 36,501,029)
  o Cataclysmic storms, and floods resulting from storms
    (1 in 9,840,964)
  o Caught in or between objects (1 in 17,013,191)
  o Child battering and other maltreatment (1 in 10,348,230)
  o Complications, misadventures of surgical, medical care
    (1 in 621,920)
  o Conflagration (1 in 747,137)
  o Cutting and piercing instruments (1 in 4,217,556)
  o Cutting or piercing instruments or objects
    (1 in 16,591,377)
  o Domestic wiring and appliances (1 in 34,026,383)
  o Drowning, submersion (excluding water transport drownings)
    (1 in 506,447)
  o Drugs, medicaments and biologicals (1 in 204,061)
  o During sport or recreation (1 in 2,930,740)
  o Earth moving, scraping, and other excavating machines
    (1 in 25,412,108)
  o Electric current (1 in 3,663,424)
  o Excessive cold (1 in 4,779,897)
  o Excessive heat (1 in 5,353,484)
  o Explosive gases (1 in 33,459,276)
  o Explosive material (1 in 12,951,978)
  o Fall from or out of building or other structure
    (1 in 3,650,103)
  o Fall into hole or other opening in surface
    (1 in 21,132,174)
  o Fall on or from ladders or scaffolding (1 in 5,703,286)
  o Fall on or from stairs or steps (1 in 1,445,325)
  o Fall on same level from slipping, tripping, or stumbling
    (1 in 2,712,914)
  o Falls (1 in 123,360)
  o Fire and flames (1 in 616,761)
  o Firearm missile (1 in 2,318,195)
  o Firearms (1 in 115,218)
  o Fracture, cause unspecified (1 in 545,680)
  o Generating plants, distribution stations, transmission
    lines (1 in 13,941,365)
  o Hanging, strangulation, and suffocation (1 in 350,604)
  o Homicide (1 in 112,198)
  o Hornets, wasps, and bees (1 in 43,642,534)
  o Hot substance or object, corrosive material and steam
    (1 in 18,588,487)
  o Hunger, thirst, exposure, and neglect (1 in 7,966,494)
  o Ignition of clothing (1 in 11,740,097)
  o Ignition of highly inflammable material (1 in 36,501,029)
  o In bathtub (1 in 5,957,141)
  o In bed or cradle (1 in 8,127,759)
  o Inhalation and ingestion of food (1 in 1,750,267)
  o Inhalation and ingestion of other object (1 in 847,786)
  o Jumping from high places (1 in 3,232,780)
  o Late effects (deaths more than one year after accident)
    (1 in 2,218,295)
  o Legal Intervention (1 in 5,296,983)
  o Lifting machines and appliances (1 in 17,610,145)
  o Lightning (1 in 31,865,977)
  o Machinery (1 in 1,972,060)
  o Mechanical suffocation (1 in 1,876,221)
  o Motor-vehicle (1 in 46,150)
  o Natural and environmental factors (1 in 1,319,893)
  o Other injury caused by animals (1 in 21,586,630)
  o Other psychotropic agents (1 in 6,010,648)
  o Petroleum products, other solvents and their vapors
    (1 in 54,258,286)
  o Poisoning by and toxic reaction to venomous animals,
    plants (1 in 31,368,071)
  o Poisoning by other solids and liquids (1 in 4,814,284)
  o Railway (1 in 3,898,168)
  o Struck against or by objects or persons (1 in 5,974,871)
  o Struck by falling object (1 in 2,776,703)
  o Suicide (1 in 65,660)
  o Tranquilizers (1 in 18,762,211)
  o Water transport (1 in 2,901,093)


More Sights of the South
========================

Recent additions to http://www.legeros.com/south

  o Artfully Ugly

  o Found on ground at former youth detention facility

  o Hurricane Dennis (I think)

  o Hurricane Fran

  o Hurricane Fran #2

  o Office Building

  o One Bullet

  o Praise Jesus

  o Seen alongside Beltline

  o Seen from Pilot Knob

  o Seen *on* Pilot Knob

  o Used Cymbal Solution


Operation Boo: The Pics
=======================

  o Bodies Hanging From Trees
    [ outdated link deleted ]

  o Satanic Flamingos et al
    [ outdated link deleted ]

  o Birthday Girl
    [ outdated link deleted ]

  o Cat, Mouse, Space Alien
    [ outdated link deleted ]

  o Captions
    [ outdated link deleted ]


Operation Boo: Visitors Log
===========================

  o Number of children: 20

  o Number of seconds paused before children approached
    house: 15 (average)

  o Number of seconds elapsed after children goosed with
    sound effects upon leaving: 10 (average)

  o Number of speechless children with frightened looks
    at door: 5

  o Number of speechless children with frightened looks
    on street: unknown

  o Number of times children told "the person hanging
    from the tree was here last year.  They didn't say
    'thank you'": 2

  o Number of subsequent psychiatry visits required for
    children in twenty years: 6 (estimated)

  o Number of parents: 10

  o Number of parents taking pictures: 4

  o Number of parents taking digital pictures: 3

  o Number of parents *in costume* taking digital pictures:
    none

  o Number of surprise birthday guests: 3

  o Number of times birthday girl surprised:  too many to
    count.


NCFFF
=====

On Saturday, the North Carolina Fallen Firefighter's Foundation
(http://www.ncfff.org) hosted the 2nd Annual North Carolina Fire-
fighter's Festival at-- or, rather, *outside*-- the Raleigh Enter-
tainment and Sports Arena.  Honor guards were present and a memo-
rial service was held, remembering line-of-duty deaths both state-
wide and in New York City on September 11.  There was a band on
hand, some firefighting demos, and a host of apparatus, both old
and new.  And all under a bright, ninety degree-feeling sun.  Oy.
Pics of the trucks, including a vintage Mack pumper from Stony Hill
(rural district, west of Wake Forest), a raised and fully extended
aerial platform from Raleigh, and a crash truck from "the airport,"
are available at http://192.220.87.232/jpg/ffday/

Please make siren noises while viewing.


Monsters Ink
============

Saw Pixar's latest on Sunday.  'Twas only second trip to theater
since Big Break.  Survived trailers for SNOW DOGS, E.T. reissue
("with enhanced visual effects," "never before seen footage," and,
according to Stevie, no guns for the bad guys), RETURN TO NEVERLAND
(animated PETER PAN sequel slash HOOK derivative, with the Cap'n
kidnapping Wendy's disbelieving daughter), and STAR WARS, EPISODE
II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES.  (Mercifully, no preview for HARRY POT-
TER, a film I have absolutely no interest in seeing.)  The feature
-- screened at noon 'cause the first 11:30 showing was sold out,
the bastards-- was preceded by a short film, also from Pixar, a de-
lightful trifle titled FOR THE BIRDS.  (Aviary amusement involving
birds of a feather flocking together to a telephone wire.)

As for INC, MONSTERS ain't the smooth operator that TOY STORY (or
the slightly less-better TOY STORY 2) is.  Has kid-appeal out the
wazoo, though, and is funny, endlessly inventive, and possesses a
generous sentimental streak.  Alas, it's also over-plotted with two
too-broadly drawn main characters.  (For starters, there's no read-
ily recognizable "smart guy" and "less-smart guy...")  No surprise,
then, that the midsection sags.  The computer-created visuals are
Pixar's most eye-popping yet, however.  And an endless array of
bright, soft colors is a welcome mood-lightener.  Great topicality,
too, with plotlines about "contamination threats" and "rapid-re-
sponse teams."  (And, for California viewers, energy shortages.)
*Do* wish there were more adult-oriented gags...  Best-est is the
frantic finale that crosses a roller-coaster ride with a freight-
car switching yard to inspired (if nit-pickable) effect.  Take the
wee ones.

Copyright 2001 by Michael J. Legeros

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