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                  Living Hell - Volume #1, Issue #3

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July 3, 2001
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Contents
========

  o The Road Less Traveled
  o Observations
  o Postscript
  o (Vice) Presidential Puns
  o Reader Mail


The Road Less Traveled
======================

Another stretch of the I-540 "Outer Beltline" opened this weekend,
connecting Creedmoor Road, Six Forks Road, and Falls of the Neuse.
As clocked by Yours Curious during the decidedly non-rushed hour of
late Sunday morning, the total driving time from Falls to Interstate
40 in Durham County is a mere 11 minutes.  (Average speed: 74 mph.)
Other observations are included below.  And, in case *this* is use-
ful info, the "News and Observer" reported that neither the Raleigh
Police Department nor the State Highway Patrol are planning "added
enforcement" of said raceway.  Such beefing-up, noted the newspaper,
is based on traffic volume, versus the mere addition of newly avail-
able road...

(From North Carolina General Statute 20-16.1:  "The Division shall
suspend for a period of 30 days the license of any driver without
preliminary hearing on receiving a record of the driver's conviction
of either (i) exceeding by more than 15 miles per hour the speed
limit, either within or outside the corporate limits of a municipal-
ity, if the person was also driving at a speed in excess of 55 miles
per hour at the time of the offense, or (ii) driving at a speed in
excess of 80 miles per hour at the time of the offense."  Also, says
20-141:  "(j1) A person who drives a vehicle on a highway at a speed
that is either more than 15 miles per hour more than the speed limit
established by law for the highway where the offense occurred or o-
ver 80 miles per hour is guilty of a Class 2 misdemeanor.")


Observations
============

Miles of new roadway:  5

Miles of existing roadway:  6 (?)

Miles of new and existing roadway:  11 (?)

Minutes to travel whole kit and kaboodle:  11

Minutes to travel from Falls of the Neuse to I-40 via Aviation Park-
way:  14

Minutes to turn left from northbound Falls of the Neuse waiting for
southbound traffic to clear:  0.25

Lanes, I-40 to Six Forks: 6

Lanes, Six Forks to Falls: 8

Lanes at each end: 1 (Falls), 2 (I-40)

Barrels, Falls exit not included:  261

Barriers: 2.3 miles worth

Roadside memorials to judgment-impaired teens: 6

Planes spotted in air: 1

Planes spotted on ground: 0

Radio stations listened to:  620 AM (news), 1030 AM (sermon)

Rants by colorful Fundamentalist preacher:  church-sponsored casino
trips, churchgoing women on beaches and the states of undress
therein

Amen's exclaimed during said rant:  13


Postscript
==========

[ Lyrics by Rob Halford, Glenn Tipton, and K.K. Downing.
  Reprinted without permission ]

There I was completely wasting, out of work and down
all inside it's so frustrating as I drift from town to town
feel as though nobody cares if I live or die
so I might as well begin to put some action in my life

Breaking the law, breaking the law
Breaking the law, breaking the law
Breaking the law, breaking the law
Breaking the law, breaking the law

So much for the golden future, I can't even start
I've had every promise broken, there's anger in my heart
You don't know what it's like, you don't have a clue
If you did you'd find youself doing the same thing too

Breaking the law, breaking the law
Breaking the law, breaking the law
Breaking the law, breaking the law
Breaking the law, breaking the law

You don't know what it's like

Breaking the law, breaking the law
Breaking the law, breaking the law
Breaking the law, breaking the law
Breaking the law, breaking the law


(Vice) Presidental Puns
=======================

Cheney's Got The Beat

Cheney Appointed Pace Maker

Veep Keeps, Detractors Weep

Implant Described as Shocking

VP Resumes Normal Activity:  Lawn Cheney Cuts Grass

Cheney Proposes Museum Headwear Relief:  No More Art Hat Tax

Bush Denies Knowledge of Cheney's Condition:  I Don't Have The
  First Aorta Of What You're Talking About

Bush Denies Lying About Cheney's Condition:  I Did Not Fibrillate

President Compares Oil Industry to Octopus:  They've Got Their
  Ventricles Everywhere

Pundits Ponder:  Colin Problems Next?

Cheney to Bush:  I Can Still Have Sex

Readers to Legeros:  Have a Heart



Reader Mail
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[ From: Linda in Cary ]
[ Re: Bar Tale ]

> Don't keep us in suspense!!!  Who was she and what happened
> next???

[ (a.) Person (b.) Who politely declined ]


Copyright 2001 by Michael J. Legeros

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