------------------------------------------------------------------- Living Hell - Volume #1, Issue #8 ------------------------------------------------------------------- August 28, 2001 =============== Contents ======== o Talk Radio o Movie Review o Heavy Metal Parking Lot o Raleigh Fire Department Errata Talk Radio ========== G. Gordon is on vacation. It's mid-August and the "G-Man," the ra- dio host who or maybe whom I listen to on weekday mornings from 10 a.m. to 12, is MIA, Missing in Action. Or, if you will, PIR. Pre- sent in Reruns. He's "cruising the high seas," or so states a tap- ed greeting at the top of each hour, before his show begins broad- casting "repeats." Like most other talk programs, host vacations result in reruns. (Some radio show, like Rush Limbaugh and Neil Boortz, utilize guest hosts.) Instead of replayed phone calls or comedy bits (the latter of which Liddy doesn't have to begin with), Gordo's show has been playing *interviews* for the last two weeks. Hour-long chats that are staples (but not sole) features of his regular program. And, expectedly, the interviewees are chosen for whatever interests Mr. Liddy. The former lawyer, former FBI field agent, and formerly incarcerated Watergate figure favors all things related to the military, military history, law and legal matters, guns, guns 'n' ammo, guns 'n' ammo 'n' gun laws, modern weaponry, private and military aviation, "news of the day," both serious and straight-read absurd (with frequent grammatical corrections from Liddy), and the odd bit of "relationship advice," typically helping some poor (male) schlep resolve a sex, dating, or marital problem. And all of it delivered with a hearty sense of humor and the ex- pected conservative political leanings. A "man's man" radio show, perhaps, but an exceptionally *interesting* one, especially these past weeks as Liddy's been conversing (on tape) with authors of varying impeccable credentials-- Alan Dershowitz on the O.J. trial, a British POW on memory and its use during his World War II impris- onment, a doctor-teaching nutritionist with "fat proofing" tips for American parents. Sixty minutes-- minus "crass commercial mes- sages"-- of everything from "cubicle warfare" (e.g. competition in the workplace) to evolutionary theories of mate selection. So, lo these last days, I've stayed fascinated. And increasingly learned. And, best of all, *captivated*. Alas, at age 36, the ol' Diversion Factor (DF) continues to climb higher. Books and movies and music selections are chosen with an ever-discriminating eye. Time moves faster, life grows shorter, and the rationale "maybe it'll get bet- ter" is no longer an option. These days, tepid, lukewarm, or only half-interesting is discarded as readily as crappy. In the case of radio shows, that means a channel change. Or, if listening while driving, switching to a compact disc. (The latter is also utilized during commercial breaks of otherwise interesting programs. Thank God for CD changers...) Most of my *radio* listening is done while driving. For some years now, I've been choosing "talk" over music, despite having a car CD player and a dozen-plus "favorites" at the ready. For Yours Dis- traction Seeking, an extended, engaging conversation is the holiest of holies. Nearly *any* topic is fine, 'less it's a rehash of In- formation Already Heard. (And as happens all too often with Presi- dential pundits discussing the issues de jour.) Political leanings rarely matter; nor do particular belief systems (or lack thereof). Same for color-- no, not *skin* color, but the colorfulness of the speaker's *personality*. (Given a choice between two equally ar- ticulate talkers, I'll take the profane and outspoken every time!) Regrettably, "good talk" isn't guaranteed in Raleigh, N.C. Lame local programming is favored during "afternoon drive" and too many stations fill too many evenings with insipid "sports talk." (Or, worse, the play-by-plays of all those blankety-blank college sports game. Groan.) And, alas, longer-distant stations-- like WBZ in Charlotte, which *plays* talk in the evening-- are often difficult or outright impossible to receive. So, for those Raleigh residents new or not-so-new to talk radio, here's an overview of "what's what." These are the various shows that *I* either listen to or occasionally sample. Needless to say, the following list omits *sports* shows. Nor are *local* programs included. WUNC aside, the locally produced dreck is just that. List o' Shows ------------- Jim Bohannon WDNC, 620 AM � Weeknights, 10:00 p.m. - 1:00 a.m. * WPTF, 680 AM - Saturdays, 6:00 p.m. - 12:00 a.m. * Late-night call-taker slash interviewer and seemingly non-partisan fat-chewer. He'll talk on about anything, though current and po- litically related events tend to top the list. And he's a relent- less devil's advocate, never afraid to jump on the errant, incon- sistent detail. -- Neal Boortz WPTF, 680 AM � Weekdays, 8:00 p.m. - 10:00 p.m. Libertarian troublemaker who rants, laughs, and/or scratches head at All Things Nonsensical, which, to him, includes "government schools," welfare states, and just about anything involving federal participation. And he's racy, too! With frequent on-air partici- pation from "Belinda" and "Royal," the call-screener and engineer, respectively. -- Dr. Joy Browne WDNC, 620 AM � Weekdays, 12:00 - 3:00 p.m. and Saturday, 6-9 p.m. Relationship advice of a gentler, kinder kind. Think the Anti-Dr. Laura, with patience out the wazoo and, alas, which regrettably translates into a sympathetic base-covering that lets callers hang on the line *way* too long. Neat that she also reviews movies. -- Click and Clack WUNC, 91.5 FM � Saturdays, 10:00 a.m. - 11:00 a.m. Sundays, 3:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m. Car Talk. 'Nuff said. -- The Dolans WDNC, 620 AM - Weekends, various Personal finance advice (and occasional travel tips) from the up- beat, outgoing, longtime husband and wife team Ken and Daria Dolan. -- Dr. Dean Edell WPTF, 680 AM � Weekdays, 11:00-12:00 p.m. Medical news and caller Q's, plus ample editorializing from "Amer- ica's doctor," usually about drug law hypocrisy, "health foods," and anything masquerading as science. Carl Sagan would've liked listening to him. -- Mike Gallagher WPTF, 680 AM - Weekends, 3:00-6:00 p.m. Long Island loudmouth whose obvious, repetitive attempts at irate- inducing amuse approximately 5.25 percent of the time. -- Clark Howard WPTF, 680 AM � Weekdays, 6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. * Consumer advice from the world's greatest spendthrift. e.g. buying tips, pricing tips, trends in goods 'n' services, and what to do when customer service is customer "no service." He's even anima- ted, these days, and far less of the monotone he used to be! -- Don Imus WRBZ, 850 AM � Weekdays, 6:00 a.m.-10:00 a.m. Cranky morning host whose a couple hundred years old, runs (and, in the summer, broadcasts from) a Southwestern-style ranch for kids with cancer, and is one helluva keen interviewer who occasionally slaps (or outright blasts) his political pundit guests, the show's news- and sportscasters, or any of the frequently appearing blues, country, or comic talent. Includes commentary, too, from "Richard Nixon," "Walter Cronkite," "General George S. Patton," and others. -- Dr. Laura WPTF, 680 AM � Weekdays, 9:00-12:00 p.m. Moral gas bag and former sadistic must-listen, for her unforgetta- ble style of "get to the point"-ness. Of course, that was back *before* the nude photos (of her), the ALA rampage (by her), and her GLAAD-protested, since-cancelled television show. Those were glorious, on-air train wrecks; now she's tamer, saner, and 100% old news. -- G. Gordon Liddy WDNC, 620 AM � Weekdays, 10:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. See above essay -- The Motley Fools WPTF, 680 AM - Saturday, 12:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m. Financial advice from authors, syndicated columnists, and big-honk- in' Web site operators (or at least *owners*) David and Tom Gard- ner. They know their stuff, but try *way* too hard to be funny. -- A Prairie Home Companion WUNC, 91.5 � Weekends for a couple hours Garrison Keillor and Company, the guy who sounds like he has a head cold. Or needs nasal surgery. -- Rush Limbaugh WPTF, 680 AM � Weekdays, 12:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m.* Political gas-bag and staunch Republican whose rants repeat them- selves ad nauseum. Sure, he can be interesting and sometimes even thought-provoking. Better, though, are his trademark, politically incorrect eruptions that gleefully slam some ideological opponent or special-interest group. *Those* are amusing. -- Joan Rivers WDNC, 620 AM - Weekdays, 6:00-8:00 p.m. Celebrity host even scarier than Dr. Laura. -- Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me WUNC, 91.5 FM - Saturdays, 12:00 p.m. - 1:00 p.m. Comic game show testing callers and "celebrity" guests on current events. Winners win the voice of announcer Carl Kasell on their answering machine. Now *that's* a prize. -- Whad'Ya Know? WUNC 91.5 - Saturdays, 1:00-2:00 p.m. Comic game show starring Wisconsin wiseacre and deadpan extraordi- naire Michael Feldman as he quizzes listeners about anything and everything. Plus, if memory serves, the occasional comic monologue and/or musical interlude. -- Bruce Williams WDNC, 620 AM � Weeknights, 8:00p.m - 10:00 p.m. and other wee hours Deep-voiced, long-experienced small business and personal finance advisor. Though often preempted by ball games, grrrr, he's worth seeking out as a straight-talking (but sympathetic) presence with a world of useful knowledge. And, on a rare moment, the impatient berating of a caller. Hey, he's human. -- Weekend Edition, Morning Edition, All Things Considered, and all those other NPR news shows WUNC, 91.5 FM - weekdays and weekends, various times Great when it's great; dull as piss when it ain't. Specially, when covering or discussing something that you couldn't care less about. Like jazz music or Arab-Israeli minutiae. * with wee hour repeats Links ----- o http://www.boortz.com/ o http://www.brucewilliams.com/ o http://cartalk.cars.com/ o http://www.clarkhoward.com/ o http://www.drjoy.com/ o http://www.drlaura.com/ o http://www.fool.com/ o http://www.ggordonliddy.com/ o http://www.healthcentral.com o http://www.imus.msnbc.com o http://www.jimbohannon.com/ o http://www.mikeonline.com/ o http://phc.mpr.org/ o http://www.npr.org o http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/ Afterword --------- From the Simpsons Archive, http://www.snpp.com/, quoting episode BABF01, "Treehouse of Horror" number ten: Homer: All that counts is that we're alive and rubbing elbows with the greats. [gasps] Ooh, there's Ross Perot, Dr. Laura, Spike Lee. Bart: Wait a minute, they're not so great. Homer: Okay but there's Dan Quayle, Courtney Love, [in- creasing panic], Tonya Harding, Al Sharpton. Ah! Tom Arnold! What the hell's going on? Bart: [looking out porthole] Wait! Only *that* ship's going to Mars. Ours is headed for the sun! Movie Review ============ CURSE OF THE JADE SCORPION, THE, is Woody Allen's new movie, anoth- er madcap comedy ala last year's SMALL TIME CROOKS (and any number of earlier Allen films), and the latest in a string of increasingly questionable (if obviously indulgent) screen pairings pairing the sixty-five year-old filmmaker with women twenty and thirty years his junior. (At least CROOKS balanced the considerably younger Tracey Ullman with actress-screenwriter Elaine May, whose a couple years *older* than Woody!) This time around-- his 34th film, if my math is correct-- the nebbish leach appears opposite Helen Hunt and babe-o-licious Charlize Theron. Also appearing is Elizabeth Berk- ley, remember her?, adding some spunk and bringing long-forgotten (blocked out?) memories of Paul Verhoven's SHOWGIRLS, bless her heart. The year is 1940 and Allen's a veteran insurance investigator-- in New York, of course-- whose butting heads with Hunt's newly hired and instantly threatening "efficiency expert." (His is a gumshoe *far* more comfortable with women of fewer words and more-easily patted bottoms.) Enter a stage magician (David Ogden Stiers) whose staff-party parlor trick introduces that age-old comic device of... hypnotism. I know, potential yawn. And with one word, "Constan- tinople," the soft-boiled 'shoe slips into trances where he's or- dered to steal jewels from his firm's clients and, of course, ends up investigating himself. Hilarity ensues, though more verbal than visual. Allen's "screw- ball"-era script is resplendent with rat-a-tat-tat repartee; bick- ering banter both instantly familiar (at least to old-movie watch- ers) and predictable funny. (Allen's insults are hurled both back and forth between Hunt's character and at a pair of rival investi- gators later assigned to the case.) There are some awfully good one-lines, scattered about as well. And, one, great, slight bit of *physical* shtick when Allen's interoffice rummaging is startled to hilarious, paper-tossing effect. The diverse cast includes Wallace "Inconceivable" Shawn, the afore- mentioned Ms. Theron as a Veronica Lake-like saucy society gal, and a Fred MacMurray-looking Dan Aykroyd as Hunt's character's boss slash married boyfriend. And, speaking of Elwood Blues, he looks as big as a *house*, here, when showing embracing-- or, eek!, kiss- ing-- the actress. (At least Chubb doesn't look like her *grandfa- ther*, as certain someone sometimes does.) Eh, it's a misfire, al- beit a comfortable (and overlong) one. And as the summer notices have shown, you could do far, *far* worse... Postscript: if mem- ory serves, the thumping, big-band music accompanying the "trance sequences" was last heard in Allen's divine "Oedipus Wrecks" seg- ment of NEW YORK STORIES. And, the final scene's as sweet as any- thing you'll this *or* next year. Delightful. (Rated "PG-13"/~100 min.) Grade: C+ Heavy-Metal Parking Lot ======================= Notorious, made-for-cable-access, documentary short shot outside a Judas Priest concert in Largo, Maryland in 1986, during the Brit band's "Turbo" tour (the author attended in Charlotte that year), and featuring colorful, low-fi interviews with the many mullet-top- ped, beer-swilling, air-guitar-and-or-fist-pumping, teen and twen- tysomething attendees. (Most are male and inexplicably shirtless.) Filmmakers John Heyn and Jeff Krulik wander the asphalt, letting the (video) camera roll while asking no-brainer, guaranteed-a-good- reaction questions like "whose your favorite band?" Or the quin- tessentially redundant "are you drinking tonight?" With but one microphone and bit o' Priest on the horribly dubbed soundtrack, the amateur results are a stunning, scary snapshot of "eighties metal" lingo, lifestyle, and "f*** yeah, man" attitude. Lip syncing has never seemed so frightening... The vid is available on the "World Wide Waste of Time" and includes promos for the unfinished "Neil Diamond Parking Lot" and "Monster Truck Parking Lot." (The latter concluding with a backwoods-looking family asked if they've ever seen "Deliverance.") There's also a couple minutes of the *film- makers,* as they're fixing the original master tapes. (And, as we learn, were originally shot on *used* video tape.) Finally, the set concludes with a series of clips from MTV and other news chan- nels, which began reporting on short film's underground popularity in the late 1990's. Dude, it's funny. Raleigh Fire Department Errata ============================== For those playing along at home, Station #24 opened over the week- end. Dedication of the newly constructed facility, located off Brier Creek Parkway, south of Lumley Road, west of the airport, is scheduled for September. The city's other new fire station, Sta- tion #25 in Wakefield, in North, *North* Raleigh, opened a couple weeks ago. Both are staffed by a single engine company. "Twenty- five" also houses a pair of antiques, including a formerly horse- drawn (and presently trailer-mounted) "steamer." Street addresses, station photos, and even a city wide station slash unit map (drawn by Yours Truly!) is available at http://www.legeros.com/ralwake. Next up: Stations #26 and #27, on Barwell and Buffalo Roads, in 2002. Copyright 2001 by Michael J. Legeros ------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------- Home Search Mike Legeros Copyright 2023 by Michael J. Legeros