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COUSIN BETTE is a bore. Lush production values, to be sure, in- cluding a score so busy that I thought I was watching AMADEUS II: SALIERI STRIKES BACK. Too bad the tone never settles down. (It's a drama! No, it's a farce! No, it's drama!) Jessica Lange gives another command performance, yawn, as the title character, though the *real* guilty pleasure is misplaced Elisabeth Shue, who goes from bad to worse as one of Bette's objets d'scorn. (For those keeping score at home, Ms. Shue-- Gesundheit!-- bares breasts once and flashes her backside four, maybe five times.) Plan to nap or leave early or, heaven forbid, heckle. That is, unless you're fortunate enough to have a clipboard in tow. Myself, I kept busy trying to spell "Wenceslas." With Bob Hoskins, Hugh Laurie, Kelly MacDonald, and Aden Young. Directed by Des McAnuff. Written by Lynn Siefert and Susan Tarr, from the novel by Balzac, huh huh huh. (Rated "R"/108 min.) Grade: D+ Copyright 1998 Michael J. Legeros Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros
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MOVIE HELL: Elastic Waistband