Tarzan and the Lost City (1998)

And then there's TARZAN AND THE LOST CITY, a straight-played sequel 
to 1984's GREYSTOKE: THE LEGEND OF TARZAN, LORD OF THE APES.  Well-
chined Casper Van Dien (STARSHIP TROOPERS) has replaced Christopher 
Lambert, and big-mouthed Jane March (THE COLOR OF NIGHT) is in for 
Andie MacDowell and the voice of Glenn Close.  (Ms. Close dubbed 
all of the drawler's dialogue from the first film, as I recall.)  
The story finds John Clayton in England, engaged to his sweetheart, 
but soon (within one scene!) summoned back to Africa by a spiritual 
vision (!!), to thwart ruthless ravagers on the trail to the Lost 
City of Opar.  (A legendary city of great mystical power, blah blah 
blah.)  Lots of unspectacular action happens, all played way too 
seriously, with nary a wink or a nudge from any of the actors, 
human or otherwise.  Aside from a surprising lack of blood, gore, 
sex, swearing, nekkid women, or gratuitous shots of the newly buf-
fed Van Dien, there's nothing even remotely remarkable here.  I 
mean, even the sumptuous scenery is Dullsville (pop. 300).  Take 
the kids and leave 'em.  They'll love it, though they might wonder 
what happened to an Ape Named Ape.  Watch out for that tree!  
(Rated "PG"/83 min.)

Grade: D+

Copyright 1998 Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros

Originally posted to triangle.movies as MOVIE HELL: He Shoots! He Doesn't Score!