And now for something completely different, a take on this week's 
movie *listings*.  (Or at least those lifted from Friday's "News 
and Observer.")  Longer comments coming on ARLINGTON ROAD, LIMBO, 
and SUMMER OF SAM.  Reviews are also available for most of these 
at http://www.legeros.com/hell.  Enjoy!


10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU 
   "Taming of the Shrew" Lite. 

AMERICAN PIE
   So which "R"-rated bit brought *your* house down?  
   "Thank God for the Internet?"  Apple pie a la mode??     
   A flute???

ANALYZE THIS
   Crystal vs. DeNiro. 

ARLINGTON ROAD
   Smartly acted, shamelessly manipulative thriller about 
   a nice-guy-next-door who may or may not be a terror-
   ist.  A good ride, even if we're asked to swallow 
   quite a bit.

AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME
   Forget the title character, baby, it's Dr. Evil whose 
   the scene-stealer times 1.125.

BIG DADDY
   Adam Sandler again. 

BLACK MASK
   Hong Kong wohoo-ey with LETHAL WEAPON 4 foe Jet Li.  

CRUEL INTENTIONS
   "Dangerous Liaisons" Not-So-Lite.  

DOUG'S 1ST MOVIE
   Yet Another Nick 'Toon (YANT).  Haven't seen it and
   and still waiting on Ren and Stimpy.

ENTRAPMENT
   Combined ages: 97.

FORCES OF NATURE
   Affleck vs. Bullock. 

THE GENERAL'S DAUGHTER
   Great book, not-so-great movie, and, yes, I know   
   they're two totally different mediums.

GET REAL
   Some indy drama I've neither heard of nor seen.

HIDEOUS KINKY
   Kate Winslet on land, circa 1972 Marrakech.  Haven't 
   seen it.

AN IDEAL HUSBAND
   You'll go Wilde.  Slow start, tho...

INSTINCT
   Hopkins vs. Gooding Jr.
 
THE KING AND I
   Cheap-looking animated adaptation.  Haven't seen it.

LIFE
   Walk out-worthy Eddie Murphy starrer.  

LIMBO
   John Sayles' latest-- an Alaskan-set ensemble drama 
   slash wilderness survival story.  Compelling, if 
   methodically paced almost to the point of monotony.  

THE LOVE LETTER
   Open with caution.

A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM
   Doth suck.

THE MUMMY
   Worth unwrapping, at least for the first hour.

MY FAVORITE MARTIAN
   Yet Another Sixties Sitcom (YASS).

NEVER BEEN KISSED
   Walk out-worthy Drew Barrymore starrer.

NOTTING HILL
   Grant vs. Roberts

OCTOBER SKY
   Delightful.  Soars like a...

THE OUT-OF-TOWNERS
   John Cleese also appears, doing a bit of Basil Fawlty.

PAYBACK
   Mel Gibson kicks everyone's ass.  

THE RED VIOLIN
   Tales of a fine fiddle.  Haven't seen it.

SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE
   Gwyneth gets nekkid.

SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER, AND UNCUT
   I wouldn't be surprised by a Best Screenplay nod, 
   either.  It's *that* good.

STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE
   What's left to say?

SUMMER OF SAM
   Spike Lee's latest-- a slice-of-life Bronx-drama-with-
   comedy set in Seventies.  Fab for the first 90 of its 
   135 minutes.  Too bad the joint roller doesn't know 
   when to say when...
 
TARZAN
   I didn't go ape.

TEA WITH MUSSOLINI
   I fell asleep.

THREE SEASONS
   First American film filmed in Vietnam since the war.  
   Haven't seen it, but hear it's good.

TRIPPIN'
   Some comedy I've neither heard of nor seen.

TWIN DRAGONS
   Chan vs. Chan.  

WAKING NED DEVINE
   Slight, but beloved by many. 

WILD WILD WEST
   Was that really a blue-screen shot of Will and Kev 
   just *walking* through the desert?

THE WINSLOW BOY
   Directed by David Mamet and rated "G" by the Motion    
   Picture Association of America.  What the f***?


Copyright 1999 by Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros