Easily the dullest Oscar evening in years, the 71st Annual Academy 
Awards at least had some funny presenters (Robin Williams, Jim Car-
rey, et al) as well as a host of heartfelt (and seemingly spontane-
ous) acceptance speeches.  The winning demeanor ranged from a cool-
ly flustered James Coburn (age seventy!) to a beaming, bouncing Ro-
berto Benigni.  (The crazy Italian climbed *over* the seats to reach 
the stage...)  Gwyneth cried, Judi smiled, and Stevie kept it short.  
Hostess-who-tried-her-mostest Whoopi Goldberg-- still a sub sub for 
Billy Crystal-- changed back and forth between evening gowns and 
costumes from the costume category.  (Please tell me that that was 
padding on them hips...)  Skirting both taste and timeliness with a 
blue barrage of sex and Scandal jokes, her outfits often garnished 
the greater laughs.  (She also took potshots at Oprah, David Duke, 
and George Michael, among others.)  With no upsets in any of the 
major categories, the rest of the record four-hours-and-counting 
ceremony was strictly same-o lame-o:  boring songs, bad teleprompter 
readings, strange humans (John Glenn? Colin Powell?), stranger ani-
mals (Val Kilmer and... Trigger??), yet another Bad Debbie Allen 
Dance Number (interpreting the Best Dramatic score nominees of all 
things), and, of course, clips! clips! clips!  (Sinatra, Kubrick, 
westerns, etc.)  There were dresses and 'do's and tits and tears and 
even a few boos for presenter Chris Rock's Kazan/DeNiro joke.  (The 
punchline having nothing to do with Bobby seemingly prepped for TAXI 
DRIVER 2.)  All told, maybe 50 minutes worth of fun.  And that's not 
counting Geena Davis' equally unexciting warm-up show.  (Celine Dion 
was dressed... as a gangster?)  Oh well... just give me a transcrip-
tion of whatever Benigni was saying during his two times at the pod-
ium and I'll go away happy.


The Winners
===========

  Actor, Roberto Benigni, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
  Actress, Gwyneth Paltrow, SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE
  Adapted Screenplay, GODS AND MONSTERS
  Animated Short Film, BUNNY
  Art Direction, SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE
  Cinematography, SAVING PRIVATE RYAN
  Comedy or Musical Score, SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE
  Costume, SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE
  Director, Steven Spielberg, SAVING PRIVATE RYAN
  Documentary Short Subject, THE PERSONALS
  Documentary, THE LAST DAYS
  Dramatic Score, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
  Editing, SAVING PRIVATE RYAN
  Foreign Language, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
  Live-Action Short Film, ELECTION NIGHT
  Make-up, ELIZABETH
  Original Screenplay, SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE
  Picture, SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE
  Song, THE PRINCE OF EGYPT
  Sound Effects Editing, SAVING PRIVATE RYAN
  Sound, SAVING PRIVATE RYAN
  Supporting Actor, James Coburn, AFFLICTION
  Supporting Actress, Judi Dench, SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE
  Visual Effects, WHAT DREAMS MAY COME


The Numbers
===========

If I counted correctly, here are the film-by-film totals:

  7 - SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE
  5 - SAVING PRIVATE RYAN
  3 - LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
  1 - AFFLICTION
  1 - BUNNY
  1 - ELECTION NIGHT
  1 - ELIZABETH
  1 - GODS AND MONSTERS
  1 - THE LAST DAYS
  1 - THE PERSONALS
  1 - THE PRINCE OF EGYPT
  1 - WHAT DREAMS MAY COME


Copyright 1999 by Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros