The plot's recycled, the dialogue's dead, and the humans all ap-
pear bored, half-asleep, or, in the case of Jake Lloyd, in dire 
need of acting lessons.  The "stars" have virtually no presence, 
much less any chemistry to speak of.  Yada yada yada, yoda yoda 
yoda.  I could complain for hours, but how 'bout an unabashedly 
upbeat take for a change?  Here's what's wonderful about STAR WARS: 
THE PHANTOM MENACE, as compiled by Yours Truly after three view-
ings...

mjl

-- begin include


 STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE -- 50 THINGS THAT DON'T SUCK
 
             - as compiled by Michael J. Legeros -


1. Jar Jar's teeth. 
2. Darth Maul's eyes. 
3. The fat Gungan's facial tics.
4. Liam Neeson melting a metal door with his light saber.
5. The Supreme Chancellor's deflated, defeated expression after a   
   vote of no confidence. 
6. "There's always a bigger fish." 
7. Jabba takes a nap.
8. Jar Jar's tongue vs. Jedi reflexes. 
9. Emergency Bat Underwater Breathing Devices. 
10. The little creatures in the grass that scurry away from the   
    battle tanks.
11. Jar Jar's ears.
12. Watto's whiskers.
13. Those rolling robots. 
14. That each pod racer has it's own sound.
15. A textbook demonstration of what "shields" can and can't do. 
16. "Exsqueeze me." 
17. The Queen's costumes. 
18. Battle droids in formation.
19. The dread in the Viceroy's voice as the blast door's melt.
20. Laser fire knocking R2 units off the top of the Queen's ship. 
21. "What's this?" "A local."
22. Darth Maul's horns. 
23. Darth Sideous' lips.
24. That whirly-gig inside C3PO's head. 
25. The glistening silver surface of a SR-71 Blackbird. 
26. That sweeping daylight shot of the Trade Federation's invasion  
    force convoy.
27. "At last we will have revenge."
28. E.T. times three.
29. Greedo as a kiddo. 
30. The first glimpse of the underwater city. 
31. The condescending tone of the Viceroy to the Queen.
32. "That is the sound of a thousand terrible things..." 
33. Midicholorians!  Cool! 
34. How Boss Gungan pronounces "planet core."
35. Those gigantic statues outside the Queen's palace.
36. Snatches of "The Emperor's Theme" and "The Imperial March."
37. "What, you think you some kind of Jedi?"
38. Sunset on Coruscant.
39. The Viceroy's crawling throne.
40. The costumes of the Supreme Chancellor's guards. 
41. "That little human being is out of his mind!"
42. So many aliens!
43. Droid + Pod Racer Engine.
44. Jabba the Hutt flicking creatures off his ledge. 
45. "Ascension guns!"
46. Darth Maul opens a blast door by hurling a piece of debris.
47. Jake Lloyd dressed as a miniature Ewan McGregor. 
48. "Always two there are.  No more.  No less."
49. Doors that slam shut in a quarter-second.
50. Natalie Portman's smile.