End of Days (1999)

END OF DAYS is one lame-assed, Big Apple-set, Satan-takes-a-bride-
religious thriller.  Arnold Schwarzenegger's boozy ex-cop versus 
Gabriel Byrne's Big Man Downstairs *ought* to be a sure thing, but 
the actors avoid each other for most of the movie.  Arnie spends 
*his* screen time slugging, shouting, or shooting stuff.  Byrne, on 
the other claw, sulks around Times Square, looking sinister and oc-
casionally (if all too rarely) engaging in some gleefully sadistic 
act.  (Gotta love his public displays of affection!)  When the two 
finally *do* meet-- over an hour in, ugh-- it plays like a poor re-
hash of Al Pacino's God-slamming speech in THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE.  
Yawn.  There's also a girl (Robin Tunney), a priest (Rod Steiger), 
and a sometimes comic sidekick (Kevin Pollak).  Their scenes are 
all yawners, as are most of Arnie's, as are most of the action se-
quences.  (Other action sequences are just plain silly, like a TER-
MINATOR 2 riff aboard a subway train.)  Worst of all, the film 
botches the stuff that would be *really* worth seeing:  the relig-
ious imagery, which is never creepy enough; the Vatican connection, 
which is never conspiratorial enough; or the intended copulation, 
which is never erotic enough.  Bor-ing.  Andrew W. Marlowe is cred-
ited with the screenplay.  Peter Hyams both directed the film and 
directed the photography.  (Rated "R"/~120 min.)

Grade: D+
Copyright 1999 Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros

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