Gloria (1999)

GLORIA is walk-out worthy.  Veteran NYC cop-drama director Sidney 
Lumet remakes John Cassevetes' 1980 effort about a big-haired bimbo 
(Sharon Stone) turned pain-in-the-ass after her release from pri-
son.  She's done three years of not-so-easy time, having taken the 
rap for her mobster boyfriend.  Back to the Big Apple from her Sun-
shine State stint, she discovers that (a.) her apartment is now his 
(b.) the money promised to her isn't coming and (c.) there's this 
adorable little boy there whose family was just murdered by you-
know-who.  She grabs a couple guns, the kid, and points that oh-so-
short skirt toward the exit.  (Though not before forcing da guys to 
disrobe; they moon the camera and out the window go their clothes.)  
And so she's off, on the run, but not getting very far because, 
well, she ain't smart enough to leave the city.  (She looks good, 
but, man, this is one dumb broad...)  

Stone fans should eat this up-- she's all accent and attitude in 
one of her meatier roles of late.  Maybe if the narrative stayed 
trained on her (and her wee co-star), the rest of it might be worth 
a watch.  Lumet, however, cuts back and forth and back and forth 
between her and her old beau, who, of course, is now in hot water 
with *his* boss.  (George C. Scott as Mr. Big and sporting an Irish 
accent as musical as it is disconcerting.)  The whole thing ends up 
such an unappealing mess that I threw up my hands at about the 80-
minute mark.  You tell me how it turned out.  With Jeremy Northam, 
Jean-Luke Figueroa, Mike Starr, and Cathy Moriarty, who must've ap-
peared after I left.  She plays Stone's character's mother?  Now 
*that's* casting!  (Rated "R"/108 min.)  

Grade: W/O

Copyright 1999 Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros

Originally posted to triangle.movies as MOVIE HELL: Sharon Stone Keeps Her Legs Crossed