Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)

DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR? probably qualifies as the stupidest stoner mo-
vie ever made.  Not that the genre exactly inspires expectation, 
mind you, but such slacker-fests are usually good for a *few* good 
laughs.  And sometimes they surprise with a slyer, more-subtle wit.  
(See the under-appreciated BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD DO AMERICA, by later 
"King of the Hill" creator Mike Judge, as an example of the latter.)  
Alas, this royal time-waster (Sir Sucks A Lot?) has neither any deft 
depth nor even your basic, point A-to-point B, straightforward sil-
liness.  (Forget comic timing, director Danny Leiner doesn't even 
include enough footage to explain the sudden appearance of certain 
objects on screen!)  The plot introduces Ashton Kutcher and Seann 
William Scott as a pair of Bill and Ted-style mouth-breathers who 
awaken one morning-after with no memory of the night before.  Soon, 
they learn the following:

  o today is their girlfriends' anniversaries
  o their anniversary gifts are in their car
  o their car is missing
  o dude!

Pratfalls ensue, most involving sex, bodily functions, or physical 
violence.  (I shall call it... the Triumvirate of 'Tude.)  They al-
so discover, to their amnesic dismay, that they throwing cartons of 
cash around and having sex with hot chicks.  Dude!  Eh, for a while 
there's a quasi-appealing, how-low-can-they-go? quality to the whole 
thing.  And the leads display such slack-jawed virtuosity that you 
can't help but wonder how many years of acting classes it takes to  
get *that* good.  And just when the paper-thin premise on the verge 
of turning transparent, the story takes an "extraterrestrial turn," 
with Dumb and Dumber confronted (and periodically abducted) by sev-
eral strange-looking, stranger-speaking parties, all searching for 
something called the "Cosmic Continuum Transfunctioner."  Or therea-
bouts.  Oh, and a transexual stripper figgers in there, too.  I 
stayed for about an hour, until my rate of brain-cell decay became 
alarming.  With Jennifer Garner, Marla Sokoloff, and one babe-o-lic-
ious Kristy Swanson.  Sweet.  Dude.  Sweet.  Dude.  Sweet.  Dude.  
Sweet. (Rated "PG-13"/84 min.)

Grade: W/O

Copyright 2000 by Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros