Godzilla 2000 (2000)

 
GODZILLA 2000, that also opened last Friday, isn't even an *eight* 
of the campy carnival it should be.  Sure, the dubbing's terrible, 
the dialogue's laughable, the humor fifth-grade (at best), and the 
special effects wildly inconsistent.  (Love those obvious super-im-
positions!)  What stomps this retro roundtrip right into the ground 
is the unbearably sluggish editing.  No snap.  No surprise.  No 
spontaneity.  Both action and non-action scenes just lumber along, 
like a certain radioactive breath-breathing monster.  (Plot:  the 
privately funded Godzilla Prediction Network-- one of the film's few 
*smart* jokes--  locks horns with the military after the latter dis-
covers a mysterious, underwater meteorite.)  The script's good for a 
few howls, especially when American slang is dubbed in.  And select 
screen images, like a battery of tanks readying to fire, bring plea-
sant, decades-old flashbacks.  (Can't fault the filmmakers for their 
use of *real* props.  Jets, helicopters, armored vehicles, it's all 
here!  Nor does the lack of realistic-looking effects stop them from 
depicting more daylight action than a *dozen* American remakes ever 
would.)  Maybe a midnight audience could do something with this.  Or 
perhaps a group of young children.  I left after an hour, which is 
*way* longer than the movie would've lasted had I stumbled upon it 
on cable. (Rated "PG"/107 min.)

Grade: W/O

Copyright 2000 by Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros