Gone in 60 Seconds (2000)

 
GONE IN 60 SECONDS is about cars, right?  Cars and car thieves and 
the mother of all grand thefts, fifty cars in twenty-four hours. 
And, friends, the first high-speed chase doesn't even *start* for 
ninety minutes.  I kid you not.  Jerry Bruckheimer produced this 
dog-with-fleas about a gone-straight stealer (Nicholas Cage) who 
bails out his brother (Giovanni Ribisi) by agreeing to commit the 
aforementioned crime.  The pro and the bro each assemble their own 
crew.  Add a chick (Anjelina Jolie), an old-timer (Robert Duvall), 
and a persistently persistent cop (Delroy Lindo) and you're look-
in' at one more crappy-from-the-get-go summer slugger that Monday 
night's preview audience applauded nonetheless.  Maybe they're the 
same folks who helped CON AIR land its millions?  Or that other 
J.B.-produced suck-hit, ARMAGEDDON?  Hell if I know...  In the in-
terest of sustaining this rant-- as well as just plain being mean
-- here are some of the movie's "finer" moments that induced syn-
chronized head-shaking in my companion and myself:  Nicky-boy's 
newest, blonde-tinted rug; Cage and Will Patton's dueling receding 
hairlines; a British, Peter Greene-lookalike villain obsessed with
... furniture; Grace Zabriskie as the brother's seemingly hundred 
year-old mother; Twilight photography during all daylight hours; 
Twilight photography inside a grimy garage that renders Robert Du-
vall looking like an extra from NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD; Ribisi 
resembling the human equivalent of a cockroach (take a shower,  
dude!); Mrs. Billy Bob Thornton wearing either bleached dreadlocks 
or a dead octopus on her head; Cage mumbling his lines; Ribisi 
mumbling his lines; cheesy music during the "serious" scenes; a 
shameless script unafraid of either a driver's ed. or doggie-eats-
the-car-keys bit; the hilarious number of shiny, reflective sur-
faces (I wonder what the film's Turtle Wax budget was?); and the 
interesting fact that nearly all of the comic relief is provided 
by two African-American supporting characters.  Curious.  At least 
the car chase-- all ten or twelve minutes of it-- is reasonably 
cool.  Varoom.  Dominic Sena (KALIFORNIA) directs, remaking the 
1974 film of the same name that I've never seen.  (Rated "PG-13"/
~120 min.)

Grade: D 

Copyright 2000 Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros

Originally posted to triangle.movies as MOVIE HELL: Another Crappy Nick Cage Film