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JOE GOULD'S SECRET is surprisingly slack. Set in the Forties, the true story of a "New Yorker" writer (Stanley Tucci) writ- ing about a writer and homeless eccentric (Ian Holm) is a dull- on-arrival drama that feels more like an acting exercise than a feature film. Director and star Tucci's persistent blandness (plus phony Southern accent) is the first wrong note. Holm's too-showy showiness is the second. (Wow, what amazingly green eyes, though!) Tucci's direction, meanwhile, is full of awk- ward long takes and jarring slow-motions shots. He couldn't make the film less visually interesting if he tried. I left af- ter an hour... With Patricia Clarkson, Steve Martin, Susan Sar- andon, Patrick Tovatt, Celia Weston, Allan Corduner, Alice Drum- mond, and a woefully unglamorous (and alarmingly Hilary Clinton- looking) Hope Davis. (Rated "R"/104 min.) Grade: B- Copyright 2000 Michael J. Legeros Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros