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LEFT BEHIND, easily the year's easiest film to make fun of and get *flamed* for making fun of, is a low-rent, under-exciting, and, at times, entirely laughable adaptation of everybody's favorite bumper sticker: "In case of rapture this car will be unmanned." Already out on video, this earnestly played-and-then-some religious thril- ler stars Kirk Cameron-- yes, Kirk Cameron-- as a grizzled, globe- trotting, danger-facing network-news reporter. And I have a bridge to sell you, too. The former "Teen Beat" 'throb's in Jerusalem, on a science story, when the skies suddenly fill with really, really, really mean-looking airplanes. (This immediately after an ominous- but-enjoyably-scenic tour during the title credits.) In poorly acted amazement, Cameron's character-- named "Buck," no less!-- watches as the sky turns black and the attacking jets inexplicably begin exploding in midair. You know, raining proverbial fire from the proverbial heavens... (Sounds sort of Biblical, no?) Thus be- gins (or continues, if you count the backstory) a series of events that'll leave News Boy agog again, this time when millions (mil- lions?) of people around the world suddenly vanish. Including all "innocent" souls, e.g. children. Seems those Devout-ists might have been onto something! Later he'll be paired with Brad Johnson's airline pilot and fellow non-believer, who was airborne when It happened and whose passen- gers expectedly freaked. (Fly Boy has his own story, both an adul- terer and, now, a widower with one less child.) Together, they'll presumably investigate an international conspiracy that Cameron's character learned about earlier, involving a couple big-name bank- ers. (At least, I *think* that's what Kirk's informant was raving about. Hard to tell with all those names...) And all while (mild) chaos predictably ensues, with plenty of dazed looks, grieving par- ents (usually dramatically embracing a baby carriage), and nearly everyone wondering just what the Heaven happened. (Plus some sin- ister-looking businessman who keeps making these sinister-sounding plans. Hmmmmm. Could it be... the Anti-Christ?) Though a *world* more watchable than that *other* low-budget apocalyptic potboiler-- 1999's howl-worthy though highly profitable THE OMEGA CODE-- this one has practically *none* of the spectacle that the premise sug- gests. No sturm, nor drang, nor cats and dogs sleeping together. Nope, not a single Cecil B. moment in sight. Just lots and lots of abandoned vehicles, one bloody car accident, and government-ordered martial law for everyone. I left after an hour and was the person seen subsequently standing outside the theater, bearing the sign "Boredom is Nigh!" With Janaya Stephens, Chelsea Noble, Clarence Gilyard Jr., and Gordon Currie. Based on the best-selling book se- ries by Jerry B. Jenkins and Tim LaHaye. (Rated "R"/108 min.) Grade: W/O Copyright 2000 by Michael J. Legeros Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros