Whipped (2000)

WHIPPED, the last ass-awful film of the summer or so we can only 
hope, is a failed raunch comedy about three guys in love with the 
same woman.  Brian Van Holt, Zorie Barber, and Jonathan Abrahams
play the twenty-something, teen-acting, New York City bachelors,  
two of whom are habitual "scammers," meaning they'll say (or do) 
anything to get a girl into bed.  (Needless to say, neither has 
held a "serious" relationship.)  The third stooge (Abrahams) is 
less outgoing and channels *his* sexual energies, uh, back on him-
self.  (Or as another character euphemizes, "feedin' the geese.")  
There's also a fourth musketeer, their married bud Eric (Judah 
Domke) and the one with the most to lose if their ritual Sunday- 
brunch sex talks go kaput.  (He has nothing else in life to look
forward to, because... he's married.)  Domke's also the only in-
teresting actor of the lot.   The Three Caballeros are dull cubed; 
this guy at least has enough tics and twitches to hold our atten-
tion.  (Love that uncomfortably spaced-out smile, too.)  

Amanda Peet plays the chick-- remember her from Bruce Willis and  
THE WHOLE NINE YARDS?-- and her character is no more one-in-a-mil-
lion believable than her suitors'.  She has a nice smile, though.  
Peter M. Cohen, a first-timer and probably last-timer, writes, di-
rects, and produces.  His strongest selling point is the script's 
viciously frank dialogue.  Nothing's taboo in this one, from de-
tailed descriptions of sex acts ([censored]) to the grim realities 
of martial body functioning (see: Oven, Dutch).  (He also *stages* 
a couple embarrassingly amusing bits, such as what must be modern 
cinema's first depiction of a man reaching into an un-flushed toi-
let to retrieve ... a buzzing vibrator.)  Now, if he'd just *stay-
ed* with the lewd, instead of spending screen time on arty outdoor 
shots, distracting flashbacks, and stupid talk-to-the-camera bits, 
this critic might've stayed longer than an hour.  At least I got 
my money back.  (Rated "R"/85 min.)   
Grade: W/O

Copyright 2000 by Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros

Originally posted to triangle.movies as MOVIE HELL: Curdled

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Copyright 2001 by Michael J. Legeros -Movie Hell™ is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros