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THE WHOLE NINE YARDS has maybe twice that many laughs, most result- ing from Matthew Perry's superb work as straight man to Bruce Wil- lis' new next-door neighbor hit man. (The screwball plot involves a bounty on Willis' character's head, the schemes of Perry's char- acter's money-grubbing wife, and an unfunny Hungarian mobster play- ed by Kevin Pollack.) Perry is priceless doing double takes, but as a romantic lead he's strictly chump change. (A subplot finds him falling for Natasha Henstridge.) Nor is Mr. Willis nearly as funny. In fact, the only other memorable player is Amanda Peet as a dental assistant with a surprising secret. Not sure why her char- acter has to appear topless, though... With Rosanna Arquette and THE GREEN MILE's Michael Duncan. Jonathan Lynn (MY COUSIN VINNY) directs. (Rated "R"/100 min.) Grade: C Copyright 2000 Michael J. Legeros Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros