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                   MOVIE HELL: Summer Sneak Preview

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MOVIE HELL
==========

Weekly Rants and Pants by Michael J. Legeros
"If you can't say something nice, at least have something to say."


Contents
========

  - Introduction
  - The Dates
  - Recently Reviewed


Introduction
============

OK Space Cadets, prepare to hurtle through the cosmos!  It's that
time of year again!  Forty-or-more reasons to stay *indoors* during
the months of May, June, July, and August.  Wide-opening releases
only-- sorry snobs-- with minimal cast 'n' credit listings and, no
b.o. predictions, although I'm pretty sure I'll need at least two
showers a day during July and August.  I'll keep everyone posted.
Info was obtained from Cinematter (http://www.shreck.com), Eric
Carter's List of Upcoming Releases (http://home.dti.net/egcarter/),
and the Internet Movie Database (http://us.imdb.com).  Lemme know
if you spot any errors.  I'll update the Web copy accordingly.  See
you in Hell...


The Dates
=========

Note: Wide-release only.

Disclaimer: The following information may be wrong.

May 5

   o GLADIATOR (DW)

     Ridley Scott directs Russell Crowe.  Holy Spartacus!  Joaquin
     Pheonix, Djimon Hounsou, Connie Nielsen, Derek Jacobi, and the
     late Oliver Reed also appear.

   o I DREAMED OF AFRICA (Sony)

     African-set love story and likely suck-fest starring Kim Ba-
     singer, Robert Loggia, Vincent Perez, and Eva Marie Saint.
     Hugh Hudson (CHARIOTS OF FIRE) directs.

   o UP AT THE VILLA

     Adaptation of Somerset Maugham's novella about the adventures
     of a widow (Kristen Scott Thomas) in wartime Florence.  Sean
     Penn, Anne Bancroft, and Derek Jacobi also appear.  Philip
     Hass (ANGELS AND INSECTS) directs.


May 12

   o BATTLEFIELD EARTH (WB)

     Adaptation of L. Ron Hubbard's novel about a human uprising in
     3000 A.D.  John Travolta stars as the nine foot-tall alien ov-
     erlord.  Barry Pepper, Forest Whitaker, and Kim Coates also
     appear.  Roger Christian (MASTERMINDS) directs.

   o CENTER STAGE (Columbia)

     Ballerina drama.  Yawn.

   o HELD UP (Tri)

     Comedy about a convenience store robbery out in the middle of
     nowhere.  Steven Rash (EDDIE) directs Jamie Foxx, Nia Long,
     Barry Corbin, Jake Busey, and Julie Hagerty.

   o SCREWED (Uni)

     Comedy about the attempted swindling of an old bag.  Norm Mac-
     donald, Dave Chappelle, and Danny DeVito star.  Screenwriters
     Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski (MAN ON THE MOON, ED WO-
     OD) make their directing debut

   o WHIPPED (Dest)

     Racy romantic comedy about three friends in love with the same
     woman.  First-time filmmaker Peter M. Cohen directs Brian Van
     Holt, Judah Domke, Jonathan Abrahams, and Zorie Barber.  Aman-
     da Peet plays the babe.


May 19

   o DINOSAUR (BV)

     Betcha they all die.  Animated adventure with the voices of
     Kiefer Sutherland, D.B. Sweeney, Joan Plowright, Alfre Wood-
     ard, Samuel E. Wright, Ossie Davis, Della Reese, Jonathan
     Harris, and Juliana Margulies.

   o LOSER (Col)

     Romantic comedy about a boy, a girl, and her professor.  Amy
     Heckerling (CLUELESS, FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH) directs
     Jason Biggs, Mena Suvari, and Greg Kinnear.

   o ROAD TRIP (DW)

     Collegiate comedy about four friends cross-country chasing an
     incriminating videotape.  Todd Phillips directs Amy Smart,
     Sean William Scott, Andy Dick, Rachel Blanchard, and Breckin
     Meyer.

   o SMALL-TIME CROOKS (DW)

     Woody Allen's latest, a farce about bungling bank robbers.
     Allen stars alongside Michael Rappaport, Hugh Grant, Tracy
     Ullman, Elaine May, and Jon Lovitz.


May 24

   o MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 2 (Para)

     John Woo directs Tom Cruise.  Top that!  Ving Rhames, Steve
     Zahn, Thandie Newton, and Brendan Gleeson also appear.  An-
     thony Hopkins play Cruise's new boss.


May 26

     SHANGHAI NOON (BV)

     Western adventure-with-martial-arts starring Jackie Chan and
     Owen Wilson.  Lucy Liu and Sammo Hung also appears.  Tony Dey
     directs.


June 2

   o BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE (Fox)

     Martin Lawrence goes undercover under padding.  Paul Giamatti
     plays the partner.  Raja Gosnell (NEVER BEEN KISSED) directs.
     See also: THE NUTTY PROFESSOR II.

   o RUNNING FREE (Sony)

     Horse drama.  Yawn.


June 9

   o GONE IN 60 SECONDS (BW)

     Remake about competing car-thief rings.  Nicholas Cage stars,
     Dominic Sena (KALIFORNIA) directs, and Jerry Bruckheimer pro-
     duces.  Angelina Jolie, Gionvanni Ribisi, Delroy Lindo, and
     Robert Duvall also appear.


June 16

   o BOYS AND GIRLS (Max)

     Romantic comedy about teenagers.  Robert Iscove (SHE'S ALL
     THAT) directs Jason Biggs, Freddie Prinze Jr., Claire For-
     lani, Alyson Hannigan, Heather Donahue, Danny Spink, and
     somebody named Monica.

   o SHAFT (Para)

     Update starring Samuel L. Jackson as the sex machine who gets
     all the chicks.  Can you dig it?  Busta Ryhmes, Vanessa Wil-
     liams, Toni Collette, Dan Hedaya, and Christian Bale also ap-
     pear.  John Singleton (ROSEWOOD) directs.

   o TITAN AE (Fox)

     Animated adventure about humans fleeing a future earth and the
     bad aliens after them.  Voices include Matt Damon, Bill Pull-
     man, Drey Barrymore, Nathan Lane, Hank Azari, and Janeane Gar-
     ofolo.


June 23

   o CHICKEN RUN (DW)

     Animated adventure about chickens trying to fly the coop.
     Voice credits include Mel Gibson, Julia Sawahla, and Jane
     Horrocks.  From the stop-motion makers of Wallace and Grommit.

   o ME, MYSELF AND IRENE (Fox)

     The latest from the Faralley Brothers.  Jim Carrey as a cop
     with two personalities.  Renee Zellweger as the prisoner they
     both fall for.  Chris Cooper, Robert Forster, James Gadolfini,
     and Richard Jenkins also appear.


June 30

   o THE ADVENTURES OF ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE (Uni)

     Moose and Squirrel are animated and the rest is live-action.
     Jason Alexander as Boris, Rene Russo as Natasha, and Robert
     DeNiro (!) as Fearless Leader.  Randy Quaid and Jonathan Win-
     ters also appear.  Des McAnuff (COUSIN BETTE) directs.

   o THE PATRIOT (Columbia)

     Revolutionary War drama directed by Roland Emmerich (GODZILLA,
     INDEPENDENCE DAY) and starring Mel Gibson.  Joely Richardson,
     Tom Wilkinson, Jason Isaacs, and Tcheky Karyo also appear.

   o THE PERFECT STORM (WB)

     Adaptation of Sebastian Junger's nonfiction novel about one
     Hell of a nor'easter.  George Clooney, John C. Reilly, Mark
     Wahlberg, William Fichtner, Michael Ironside, and Allen Payne
     play the crew.  Wolfgang Petersen (AIR FORCE ONE) directs.


July 7

   o DISNEY'S THE KID (BV)

     Fantasy about a grown-up jerk (Bruce Willis) who meets his
     preteen self.  Richard Jenkins, Jean Smart, Emily Mortimer
     also appear.  Jon Turteltaub (INSTINCT, PHENOMENON) directs.

   o SCARY MOVIE (Max)

     Horror spoof directed by Keenan Ivory Wayans.  Cast includes
     Marlon and Shawn Wayans, Shannon Elizabeth, Regina King, Loch-
     lyn Munro, Jonathan Abrahams, Regina Hall, and and Cheri Oter-
     i.


July 14

   o NUMBERS (Para)

     Comedy with drama about a guy and the lottery.  Nora Ephron
     (SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE) directs John Travolta, Lisa Kudrow,
     Chris Kattan, Michael Rapaport, Bill Pullman, Daryl Mitchell,
     Ed O'Neill, and Tim Roth.

   o X-MEN (Fox)

     Adaptation of comic book pitting Patrick Stewart's good guys
     against Ian McKellan's baddies.  James Marsden, Halle Berry,
     Anna Paquin, Famke Janssen, and Bruce Davison also appear.
     Bryan Singer (THE USUAL SUSPECTS) directs.


July 21

   o MAD ABOUT MAMBO (USA)

     Irish lass learns Latin dancing.  Yawn.

   o POKEMON THE MOVIE 2000 (WB)

     Animated sequel about a race of evil aliens controlling the
     minds of Earth children and causing them to beg their parents
     to buy them trading cards.

   o WHAT LIES BENEATH (DW)

     Ghostly murder mystery starring Harrison Ford and Michelle
     Pfeiffer.  Robert Zemeckis (CONTACT, FORREST GUMP) directs.
     James Remar, Katherine Towne, Joe Morton, and Rachel Singer
     also appear.


July 26

   o THOMAS AND THE MAGIC RAILROAD (Dest)

     Adaptation of children's television show starring Alec Bald-
     win as Mr. Conductor.  Mara Wilson and Peter Fonda also ap-
     pear.  Britt Allcroft directs.


July 28

   o THE HOLLOW MAN (Col)

     Thriller starring an invisible Kevin Bacon.  Paul Verhoven
     (STARSHIP TROOPERS) directs.  Elisabeth Shue, Josh Brolin,
     Kim Dickens, and William Devane also appear.

   o I WAS MADE TO LOVE HER (Para)

     Remake of HERE COMES MR. JORDAN starring Chris Rock in the
     body of James Gandolfini.  Regina King, Mark Addy, and Fran-
     kie Faison also appear.  Chris and Paul Weitz direct.

   o NUTTY PROFESSOR II: THE KLUMPS (Uni)

     Eddie Murphy returns under more padding.  Peter Segal (TOMMY
     BOY) directs.  Larry Miller and Janet Jackson also appear.
     See also:  BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE.


August 4

   o COYOTE UGLY (BV)

     Chick as bartenders.  Yawn.

   o THE LEGEND OF BAGGER VANCE (DW)

     Adaptation of Steve Pressfield's novel about a 1931 golf game.
     Matt Damon, Will Smith, and Charlize Theron star.  Jack Lemmon
     narrates.  Robert Redford (THE HORSE WHISPERER) directs.

   o SPACE COWBOYS (WB)

     Aging astronaut adventure starring Clint Eastwood, Tommy Lee
     Jones, James Garner, and Donald Sutherland.  Eastwood also di-
     rects.  James Cromwell, William Devane, Marcia Gay Harden, and
     Courtney B. Vance also appear.


August 11

   o BAIT (WB)

     Actioner about a treasure agent (Kris Kristofferson) and a
     prisoner (Jamie Foxx).  Antonie Fuqua (THE REPLACEMENT KIL-
     LERS) directs.  David Morse, Robert Pastorelli, Jamie Kennedy,
     and David Paymer also appear.

   o BEDAZZLED (Fox)

     Remake of 1967 comedy about a schlep (Brendan Fraser) who gets
     seven wishes after making a deal with Elizabeth Hurley's Dev-
     il.  Yeah, baby!  Harold Ramis (GROUNDHOG DAY) directs.

   o GODZILLA 2000 (Sony)

     Aaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiii!  Stomp, stomp.  Roar.

   o IMPOSTOR (Max)

     Adaptation of Philip K. Dick's short story about a human sus-
     pected of being an alien weapon.  Gary Fleder (KISS THE GIRLS)
     directs.  Gary Sinese, Jennifer Lopez, Madeleine Stowe, Vin-
     cent D'Onofrio, Mekhi Phifer, and Tony Shalhoub star.

   o SAVE THE LAST DANCE (Para)

     Interracial romance.  Yawn.


August 18

   o THE CELL (NL)

     Thriller about a scientist who enters the mind of a comatose
     serial killer.  Jennifer Lopez stars and is presumably taken
     seriously.  Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Vince Vaughn, and Vincent
     D'Onofrio also appear.  Someone named Tarsem directs.

   o THE WAY OF THE GUN (Arti)

     Thriller starring Ryan Phillippe and Benicio Del Toro as kid-
     nappers of a pregnant surrogate mother (Juliette Lewis) pur-
     sued by a hitman hired by the baby's parents.  Screenwriter
     Christopher McQuarrie (THE USUAL SUSPECTS) makes his directing
     debut.


August 25

   o THE CREW (BV)

     Comedy starring Burt Reynolds, Richard Dreyfus, Seymour Cas-
     sel, and Dan Hedaya as retired mobsters.  Michael Dinner (HOT
     TO TROT) directs.  Carrie-Anne Moss and Jennifer Tilly appear.

   o THE REPLACEMENTS (WB)

     Comedy starring Keanu Reeves as a scab quarterback during a
     players strike.  Howard Deutch (GRUMPIER OLD MEN) directs.
     Gene Hackman, Jon Favreau, and Jack Warden also appear.

   o STEAL THIS MOVIE! (Gate)

     Bio pic of Abbie Hoffman starring Vincent D'Onofrio.  Robert
     Greenwald (XANADU) directs.  Janeane Garofalo, Kevin Pollak,
     Jeanne Tripplehorn, and Kevin Corrigan also appear.

   o TEXAS RANGERS (Max)

     History lesson with guns.  Steve Miner (LAKE PLACID) directs
     James Van Der Beek, Dylan McDermott, Tom Skerritt, Alfred Mo-
     lina, and Robert Patrick.  John Milius scripted.



Recently Reviewed
=================

AMERICAN PSYCHO          : C
BLACK AND WHITE          : D+
THE FLINTSTONES IN...    : C+
FREQUENCY                : A-
KEEPING THE FAITH        : B
MIFUNE                   : B-
RETURN TO ME             : D+
U-571                    : C-
WHERE THE HEART IS       : W/O
WHERE THE MONEY IS       : C

Copyright 2000 Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros

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keywords: film movie review mike michael legeros raleigh carolina
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