The Year That Wasn't Much

Wow, what a disappointing year at the movies.  Twelve months back 
looking twelve months forward, the trailer reel was a tempter:  
Cameron, Besson, Tarantino, and Woo; one more Bond, one more Bat,  
a few more ALIENS, and another JURASSIC poke; Mel, Jodie, Julia, 
and Jack; Al Pacino as the Devil, Harrison Ford as the President, 
Howard Stern as himself; '50's noir, '70's porn, nuclear terror-
ists, outed high-school English teachers, paunchy, partially deaf 
small-town police officers, and two, count 'em two, volcano flicks.  
Even a cast called Wanda reunited for the occasion.

Great directors, gonzo casts, titanic budgets, and seemingly sure-
fire source material-- a recipe for a year that should've been bet-
ter than it was.  Were there even a *handful* of films to cherish 
in the lot of them?  Not for me.  Be it the weekly Charming Indy 
Film, the twice-weekly Summer Blockbuster Event, or the annual Hol-
iday Oscar Rush, nearly every feature failed to fully amuse.  (In 
particular, the year's critical faves-- from FACE/OFF all the way 
forward to that iceberg movie-- left me less than ga-ga.  They were 
good, sure, but... great?)

I reckon I just saw the wrong movies.  In fact, of last year's re-
leases, I either missed or have yet to see AFTERGLOW, THE APOSTLE, 
HAPPY TOGETHER, HYPE!, IRMA VEP, LA PROMESSE, MABOROSI, MA VIE EN 
ROSE, NIL BY MOUTH, PONETTE, THE SWEET HEREAFTER, THE TANGO LESSON, 
WACO: THE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT, and WELCOME TO SARAJEVO.  Maybe a 
few of those are the missing high points of an otherwise largely 
lackluster year.  Well, with that disclaimer, here's my incomplete 
top-ten list.  My "top five" list, if you will.  Maybe next year, 
at this time, we'll have a better crop of crap to choose from.


      THE BEST                 THE WORST

   1. The Ice Storm         1. Speed 2: Cruise Control
   2. Ulee's Gold           2. Switchback
   3. Jackie Brown          3. The Pest
   4. Good Will Hunting     4. Fire Down Below
   5. Breakdown             5. Romy and Michelle's High 
                               School Reunion


      HONORABLE MENTION        DON'T GO THERE, EITHER

    o As Good As It Gets     o Vegas Vacation
    o Boys Life 2            o Most Wanted
    o Career Girls           o Metro
    o The Lost World         o Meet Wally Sparks     
    o Starship Troopers      o A Life Less Ordinary


Not much to say about these.  THE ICE STORM struck me as similar to 
SENSE AND SENSIBILITY, Ang Lee's last film, another feature-length 
build-up to one character's teary release in a final scene.  ULEE'S 
GOLD saw Peter Fonda's welcome comeback-- let's hope he's not for-
gotten at Oscar time.  JACKIE BROWN is, at heart, a sweet, simple 
love story, while GOOD WILL HUNTING may be the smartest schmaltz of 
the year.  Who saw that one coming?  And then there's BREAKDOWN, 
Jonathan Mostow's superb somewhere-out-in-the-middle-of-the-desert 
thriller, about a couple (Kurt Russell and Kathleen Quinlan), their 
stalled car, and the trucker (J.T. Walsh) who stops to help.  Good 
movies, all of 'em.


Memories...
===========

 o "Three minutes later," JACKIE BROWN
 o A stripper and her sausage, PRIVATE PARTS
 o Girls can study science, too!, THE SAINT, MIMIC
 o David Letterman in a certain yellow biplane, Oscar night

 o "Piece of cake," WAG THE DOG
 o All those wonderful colors, GABBEH
 o Mel Gibson's apartment, CONSPIRACY THEORY
 o The simple drama of a hand-lowered lifeboat, TITANIC

 o "Fork.  Fuck,"  ALIEN RESURRECTION
 o And the 76 sign rolls by, THE LOST WORLD
 o Why they practice with knives, STARSHIP TROOPERS
 o STAR WARS sequels that were kinda boring back on the big screen

 o "Whoever tells the best story wins," AMISTAD
 o And then they stone the projectionist, THE POSTMAN
 o Best Foreign Language Film without Subtitles: THE FULL MONTY
 o Fund-raising at the Rialto, with a CASABLANCA screening and the 
   big-band sounds of Blues in the Night jazz orchestra

 o "Call me Dad," THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE
 o Reed Richards and the Negative Zone, THE ICE STORM
 o Outtake reels that saved the film:  LIAR, LIAR, OUT TO SEA
 o Woody Allen goes to Hell and finds Billy Crystal in charge, 
   DECONSTRUCTING HARRY

 o "Get off of my plane," AIR FORCE ONE
 o Peter Fonda answering the phone, ULEE'S GOLD
 o Tommy Lee Jones interrogating a dog, MEN IN BLACK
 o Jack Nicholson emerging from a cloud of steam, AS GOOD AS IT 
   GETS

 o "Sorry, Freudian slit - slut! - slot!" FIERCE CREATURES
 o A pair of punning Punjabis, BOOTY CALL
 o A roman order of Internet-surfing monks, DOUBLE TEAM
 o Bad moons rising:  BEVERLY HILLS NINJA (Chris Farley, peeking 
   cheek), LOVE! VALOUR! COMPASSION! (Jason Alexander, showing 
   the full costanza)

 o "Eat the hot dog, don't be one," Judd Nelson, STEEL
 o The Wink, ANACONDA
 o The Kiss, IN & OUT
 o Those teeth, U-TURN

 o "Never leave the cave without it," BATMAN AND ROBIN
 o Indestructible landing gear, TURBULENCE
 o Indestructible Chevy trucks, DANTE'S PEAK
 o Intercoms that work underwater, SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL

 o "How's it hanging?," LIAR, LIAR
 o Val Kilmer impersonates Jerry Lewis, THE SAINT
 o Billy Connolly impersonates John Cleese, MRS. BROWN
 o John Cleese impersonates a talking ape, GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE

 o "Keep your day job," Letter to Hell
 o Tim Roth trying to stab Tupac Shakur, GRIDLOCK'D
 o The Triangle on film, BANDWAGON, A FAMILY NAME, KISS THE GIRLS
 o Just shoot me now:  MovieTunes, HBO ads, the WNCN news buffoons, 
   Mirimax Films Proudly Presents, anything sponsored by Coca-Cola

 o "I was drugged and left for dead in Mexico and all I got was
    this stupid T-shirt," THE GAME


Copyright 1998 Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros

Originally posted to triangle.movies in MOVIE HELL: January 18, 1998