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                   MOVIE HELL: Summer Sneak Preview

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MOVIE HELL
==========

Weekly Rants and Pants by Michael J. Legeros
"If you can't say something nice, at least have something to say."


Contents
========

  - Introduction
  - Where We've Been
  - What's Coming
  - Wide-Release Dates
  - Predictions
  - Sources
  - And Where Are This Week's Reviews?


Introduction
============

Friends, here's the skinny on Summer Movie Hell.  By my count, some 
120 to 130 feature films are in the queue, ready to rock 'n' roll 
beginning May 8.  Of those, approximately 45 are so-called "wide" 
releases, meaning that they open everywhere, meaning we can expect 
to see 'em in the Triangle.  (Based on 17 weekends, that averages 
to slightly less than three a week.  Not counting art-house arri-
vals.)  By in large, it looks like a saner summer than last.  Fewer 
sequels.  Not as much action.  Lower profile, too, but, hey, I 
ain't complaining.  There are worse ways to spend a summer than in 
the company of Warren Beatty, Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Harrison 
Ford, Eddie Murphy, George Clooney, Bruce Willis, Sandra Bullock, 
Sean Connery, Jim Carrey, Nicholas Cage, Mel Gibson, Michael Doug-
las, and one very, very, very large lizard.
 

Where We've Been
================

The numbers from last year, showing end-of-year totals:

MEN IN BLACK                $250M      CONTACT                $101M         
THE LOST WORLD              $229M      HERCULES                $99M         
AIR FORCE ONE               $172M      CONSPIRACY THEORY       $76M         
MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING    $127M      THE FIFTH ELEMENT       $64M         
FACE/OFF                    $112M      SPAWN                   $55M         
BATMAN AND ROBIN            $107M      G.I. JANE               $48M         
GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE        $105M      SPEED 2                 $48M         
CON AIR                     $101M      COP LAND                $45M         


How bad were they?  Well, truth be told, they all sucked.  Somehow.
Some way.  By turns, last year's budget-busters were either too
loud (AIR FORCE ONE), too long (FACE/OFF), too silly (SPEED 2), too
slight (MEN IN BLACK), painfully uneven (BATMAN AND ROBIN), or just
plain predictable (THE LOST WORLD).  Most were watchable, sure, and
more than a few were hugely entertaining, but not one of 'em got it
right.  Not really. 


What's Coming
=============

If the following line-up fails to amuse, here's some of what's on
the boards for fall and winter:  Bryan Singer's APT PUPIL, Pixar's 
A BUG'S LIFE, BABE II, BLADE, Mel Gibson in PAYBACK, Robert DeNiro 
in RONIN, JACK FROST, PRINCE OF EGYPT, Stanley Kubrick's EYES WIDE 
SHUT (we hope), Terrence Malick's THE THIN RED LINE (we also hope), 
a remake of MIGHTY JOE YOUNG, another STAR TREK film, a FROM DUSK 
TILL DAWN sequel, and reissues of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, TOUCH OF
EVIL, and THE WIZARD OF OZ.  And then, in January, we can start 
counting down to STAR WARS.  Unless, of course, you are already...


Wide-Release Dates
==================

Disclaimer: The following information may be wrong.

May 8

  o DEEP IMPACT (Para) 
      Comet on collision course with Earth.  Plot lines include the
      teen (Elijah Wood) who discovered it, the news reporter (Tea
      Leoni) who knows about it, and the astronaut (Robert Duvall)
      who's trying to destroy it.  Morgan Freeman plays the Presi-
      dent.  Mimi Leder (THE PEACEMAKER) directs.

  o WOO (New Line)     
      Romantic comedy about a Blind Date From Hell, starring Jada
      Pinkett and Tommy Davidson.  Cast includes Pam Grier, Isaac
      Hayes, and L.L. Cool J.  Daisy von Scherler Mayer (PARTY 
      GIRL) directs.
    
May 15

  o DIRTY WORK (MGM) 
      Comedy, co-written by and starring Norm Macdonald as a loser 
      who wins at the revenge-for-hire business.  Cast includes 
      Chevy Chase, Don Rickles, and Jack Warden.  Bob Saget 
      directs.

  o THE HORSE WHISPERER (BV)
      Adaptation of Nicholas Evans' novel, about a horse healer
      (Robert Redford) who helps a teenage girl and her horse and   
      almost gives a ride to her mother.  Cast includes Scarlett 
      Johansson, Sam Neill, and Kristin Scott Thomas.  Redford 
      also directs.

  o THE QUEST FOR CAMELOT (WB) 
      Animated musical, starring the voices of Pierce Brosnan,
      Gabriel Byrne, Cary Elwes, Eric Idle, Gary Oldman, Bronson
      Pinchot, Don Rickles, Jane Seymour, Jaleel White, and, as
      Merlin, Sir John Gielgud.  I'll alert the media...
    
May 20

  o GODZILLA (Sony)
      From the makers of INDEPENDENCE DAY.  Nuff said.  
 
May 22

  o BULWORTH (Fox)  
      Political comedy, starring Warren Beatty as a California 
      senatorial candidate trying to commit career suicide by 
      offending as many supporters as possible.  Cast includes 
      Halle Berry, Don Cheadle, Christine Baranski, and Paul 
      Sorvino.  Beatty also directs, produces, and shares writing 
      credit.
                     
  o FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS (Uni)  
      Adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson's "counterculture classic,"
      starring Johnny Depp and Benicio Del Toro.  The cameo roster
      includes Jake Busey, Christina Ricci, Harry Dean Stanton,
      Lyle Lovett, and Ellen Barkin.  Terry Gilliam (12 MONKEYS)
      directs.
    
May 27

  o I GOT THE HOOK-UP (Mirimax)
      Comedy about a cellular phone scam, starring and co-directed 
      by rapper-turned-record executive Master P.  The MPAA rating 
      says it all:  "Rated R for pervasive strong language, crude
      sexual humor, nudity, drug content, and some violence."
    
May 29

  o ALMOST HEROES (WB)                                                   
      Road comedy, pairing Chris Farley (in his final screen role)
      and Matthew Perry as bumbling explorers trying to beat Lewis
      and Clark.  Christopher Guest (WAITING FOR GUFFMAN) directs.

  o HOPE FLOATS (Fox) 
      Romance, about a young mother (Sandra Bullock) who goes home
      after a messy divorce.  Cast includes Gena Rowlands, Mae
      Whitman, and Harry Connick Jr.  Forest Whitaker (WAITING TO
      EXHALE) directs.
           
June 5

  o A PERFECT MURDER (WB)  
      Remake of DIAL M FOR MURDER.  Andrew Davis (THE FUGITIVE)
      directs Michael Douglas, Gwyneth Paltrow, and G.I. JANE's 
      Viggo Mortensen.

  o THE TRUMAN SHOW (Para) 
      Drama, with Jim Carrey getting serious as a man who doesn't
      know that his life, since birth, has taken place on an enor-
      mous soundstage.  The cast includes Ed Harris, Laura Linney,
      and Harry Shearer.  Peter Weir (DEAD POETS SOCIETY) directs.
    
June 12

  o 6 DAYS, 7 NIGHTS (BV) 
      Screwball comedy, about a "gruff cargo pilot" (Harrison Ford)
      and an "acerbic New Yorker" (Anne Heche) who find themselves
      stranded on a tropical island.  David Schwimmer also appears.
      Ivan Reitman (DAVE) directs.

  o CAN'T HARDLY WAIT (Sony)   
      Ensemble comedy about high school students at the last party
      before graduation.  Cast includes Ethan Embry, Charlie Kors-
      mo, Lauren Ambrose, Peter Facinelli, Seth Green, and Jennifer
      Love Hewitt.  Deborah Kaplan and Harry Elfont direct.

June 19

  o MULAN (BV)  
      Animated musical based on the Chinese folk tale, about a 
      peasant girl who impersonates a man and fights in the army.  
      Voices include Ming-Na Wen, Lea Salonga, Eddie Murphy, B.D. 
      Wong, Donny Osmond, George Takei, Pat Morita, and Miguel 
      Ferrer. 

  o THE X-FILES (Fox)  
      Big-screen continuation of the television series, starring
      David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson.  Cast includes Lucas
      Black, Blythe Danner, Martin Landau, and John Neville.  Rob
      Bowman directs.
    
June 26

  o DR. DOLITTLE (Fox)  
      Eddie Murphy talks but doesn't sing to the animals in this
      non-musical update of Hugh Lofting's novel.  Voices include 
      Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Garry Shandling, and Julie Kav-
      ner.  Betty Thomas (THE BRADY BUNCH) directs.

  o GONE WITH THE WIND (New Line)
      Re-release, starting in 250 cities.  More may be added.           
      Technicolor prints, too.  Wohoo!

  o OUT OF SIGHT (Uni) 
      Adaptation of Elmore Leonard's novel, about a bank robber's 
      (George Clooney) relationship with a U.S. marshal (Jennifer 
      Lopez).  Cast includes Ving Rhames, Albert Brooks, Dennis 
      Farina, and Don Cheadle.  Steven Soderbergh (THE UNDERNEATH) 
      directs.

July 1

  o ARMAGEDDON (BV) 
      Asteroid on collision course with Earth.  Plot:  Bruce Willis
      and Company plan to launch, land, drill, and detonate.  Cast
      includes Ben Affleck, Billy Bob Thornton, Will Patton, Ving
      Rhames, Liv Tyler, and Steve Buscemi.  Michael Bay (THE ROCK)
      directs and Jerry Bruckheimer (CON AIR) produces.

July 10

  o LETHAL WEAPON 4 (WB)   
      Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Rene Russo, and Joe Pesci return.
      Jokes fly and shit gets blown up.  New faces: Chris Rock 
      and Jai Li.  Directed by Richard Donner, who refereed the 
      first three.

  o MADELINE (Sony)
      Adaptation of the children's book, starring Hatty Jones, 
      Frances McDormand, and Nigel Hawthorne.  Daisy von Scheler 
      Mayer (WOO) directs.

  o SMALL SOLDIERS (Dreamworks)  
      Munitions chips make action figures come to life.  Miniature
      battle ensues.  Voice credits include Tommy Lee Jones and
      Denis Leary.  Human actors include Kirsten Dunst, Dick Mil-
      ler, and Phil Hartman.  Joe Dante (GREMLINS) directs.
      
July 15

  o THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY (Fox)
      Comedy about a love triangle involving a private investigator
      hired to find some sad sack's high school sweetheart.  Peter
      and Bobby Farrelly (DUMB AND DUMBER) direct Ben Stiller, Matt
      Dillon, and Cameron Diaz.
    
July 17

  o THE MASK OF ZORRO (Sony)
      ...a "z"?  Antonio Banderas stars as the Spanish swashbuck-
      ler.  Catherine Zeta Jones plays the love interest, while 
      Anthony Hopkins appears as the older Zorro.  Martin Campbell 
      (GOLDENEYE) directs.

July 22

  o MY FAVORITE MARTIAN (WB)  
      Update of the television series, starring Christopher Lloyd
      and Jeff Daniels.  Elizabeth Hurley and Daryl Hannah also 
      appear.  Donald Petrie (GRUMPY OLD MEN) directs.
    
July 24

  o SAVING PRIVATE RYAN (Dreamworks) 
      World War II drama starring Tom Hanks.  Ed Burns, Tom
      Sizemore, and Matt Damon also appear.  Steven Spielberg
      directs.
    
July 29

  o EVER AFTER: A CINDERELLA STORY (Fox)     
      Modern-day update, starring Drew Barrymore.  Playing the
      wicked stepmom, who else but... Anjelica Huston.  Andy Ten-
      nant (FOOLS RUSH IN) directs.
    
July 31

  o BASEKETBALL (Uni)                                      
      Two guys (Trey Parker and Matt Stone) invent a sport and get
      famous.  Hilarity ensues.  Yasmine Bleeth, Jenny McCarthy,
      and Robert Vaughn also appear.  David Zucker (THE NAKED GUN)
      directs.

  o BE THE MAN (MGM)                                                           
      Comedy, starring Bob Einstein as Super Dave Osborne, the most 
      accident-prone stuntman in the world.  Peter Macdonald (RAMBO
      III) directs.

  o DANCE WITH ME (Sony)
      Romance, about a dance instructor and a young man trying to
      find his father.  Randa Haines (WRESTLING ERNEST HEMINGWAY)
      directs Vanessa Williams, Chayanne, Joan Plowright, and Kris
      Kristofferson.

  o DEAD MAN ON CAMPUS (Para) 
      College comedy about students trying to cash in on the so-
      called "suicide clause," that says you get "A's" if your 
      roomie drops out of life.  Alan Cohn directs Tom Everett 
      Scott, Alyson Hannigan, and Mark-Paul Gosselaar.
                                                                   
August 7

  o 54 (Miramax)                                                        
      Drama, about the famed Studio 54.  Mark Christopher (one of 
      the BOYS LIFE 2 shorts) directs a host of folks, including
      Neve Campbell, Mike Myers, Jared Harris, Salma Hayek, Peter
      Bogdanovich, Art Garfunkel, Sela Ward, and Heather Matarazzo.

  o THE NEGOTIATOR (WB)
      Thriller, starring Samuel L. Jackson as a hostage negotiator
      trying to clear his name from a murder charge.  Kevin Spacey
      co-stars.  David Morse, Ron Rifkin, John Spencer, Regina Tay-
      lor, and J.T. Walsh also appear.  F. Gary Gray (SET IT OFF)
      directs.

  o SNAKE EYES (Para) 
      Thriller, starring Nick Cage as an Atlantic City detective
      stuck smack dab in the middle of (a.) an assassination (b.) a
      hurricane and (c.) a heavyweight-boxing title match.  With 
      Gary Sinise, John Heard, Jane Heitmeyer, and Carla Gugino.  
      Brian DePalma (MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE) directs.
    
August 12

  o JANE AUSTEN'S MAFIA (BV)  
      Spoof, starring Lloyd Bridges.  Cast includes Billy Burke,
      Joey Cortino, Jay Mohr, Olympia Dukakis, and Christina Apple-
      gate as... the President of the United States.  Directed by
      Jim Abrahams (HOT SHOTS).
    
August 14

  o AIR BUD 2: GOLDEN RECEIVER (BV)   
      Sequel, with a new dog and a new trick.  (He catches foot-
      balls.)  Kevin Zegers and Gregory Harrison star.  Richard
      Martin directs.

  o THE AVENGERS (WB)   
      Update of the television series, starring Ralph Finnes and 
      Uma Thurman as Emma Peel and Jon Steed.  Sean Connery plays 
      the weather machine-wielding villain.  Jim Broadbent and 
      Fiona Shaw also appear.  Jeremiah Chechik (DIABOLIQUE) 
      directs.

  o THE SLUMS OF BEVERLY HILLS (Fox Searchlight)
      Black comedy, about "growing-up on the wrong side of the
      90210 zip code."  Cast includes Marisa Tomei, Alan Arkin,
      Carl Reiner, and Natasha Lyonne.  Tamara Jenkins (FAMILY
      REMAINS) directs.

  o VIRUS (Uni) 
      Something is amiss aboard an empty Russian research vessel...
      Gale Anne Hurd produces and FX wizard John Bruno directs
      Jamie Lee Curtis, Donald Sutherland, and William Baldwin.
      From the comic book.
    
August 21

  o DISTURBING BEHAVIOR (MGM)    
      Thriller, about a town where rebellious teens are mysterious-
      ly turned into wholesome overachievers.  Okalie-dokalie!
      David Nutter directs James Mardsen, Nick Stahl, and Katie
      Holmes.

  o KNOCK OFF (Sony)
      Would you believe Jean-Claude Van Damme as a fashion design-
      er?  Together with Lela Rochon's CIA operative, they battle 
      terrorism in Hong Kong.  Tsui Hark (DOUBLE TEAM) directs.

  o WRONGFULLY ACCUSED (WB)
      Spoof of THE FUGITIVE, starring Leslie Nielsen and Richard
      Crenna.  Kelly LeBrock and Michael York also appear.  HOT
      SHOTS! and NAKED GUN collaborator Pat Proft directs.
    
August 28

  o THE HAIRY BIRD (Miramax)            
      Drama, set in the '60's, about a girl's boarding school that
      doesn't want to turn coed.  Gaby Hoffman, Kirsten Dunst,
      Thomas Guiry, and Lynn Redgrave star.  Sarah Kernoch directs.


Predictions
===========

No numbers this year, just a thought or two:  look for GODZILLA to 
make a ton.  Maybe only $200M.  Maybe as high as $300M.  Either
way, I'd say it's the season's safest bet.  DEEP IMPACT probably 
won't make one, based on stinker screening reports, but expect the 
Big A to walk away with at least $100M.  And, as MY BEST FRIEND'S 
WEDDING demonstrated last year, I think that romance and comedy is 
going to keep on lowering that testosterone count.  I wouldn't be 
surprised if the likes of 6 DAYS, 7 NIGHTS, HOPE FLOATS, BULWORTH, 
and DOCTOR DOLITTLE earn more than any installment of THE X-FILES, 
LETHAL WEAPON, or ZORRO.  Oh, and as for THE TRUMAN SHOW, I don't 
have a clue.  Advanced word has been fab, but is the world ready 
for Jim Carrey in a dramatic role?  Who the Hell knows....


Sources
=======

  o Eric Carter's List of Upcoming Releases
    http://home.dti.net/egcarter/rel98.htm 

  o Cinematter's List of Upcoming Releases
    http://www.shreck.com/calist.html       

  o Harry Knowles' Ain't It Cool News
    http://www.aint-it-cool-news.com

  o Corona's Coming Attractions
    http://corona.bc.ca/films/  

  o The Internet Movie Database
    http://us.imdb.com/           

plus a slew of studio sites, every single one of which took forever
and a damn day to download.


And Where Are This Week's Reviews?
==================================

I plead beach trip.  THE OBJECT OF MY AFFECTION is cute, if a bit 
inconsistent.  Funny, too.  SLIDING DOORS is smoother, though too 
slow (at the beginning) and too dour (at the end) to be entirely 
recommendable.  THE BIG HIT is the silliest of the lot.  It's ener-
gy level is infectious, but it tries *way* too hard to be funny.  
TWO GIRLS AND A GUY is a long, damn, torturous sit.  Save your mon-
ey and watch Jerry Springer instead.  At least they throw chairs.  
And TARZAN AND THE LOST CITY is a strictly second-rate (if that) 
sequel to GREYSTOKE: THE LEGEND OF THE LOINCLOTH.  Nothing even 
remotely remarkable to report, save for a surprising lack of blood, 
gore, sex, swearing, nekkid women, or gratuitous shots of newly 
buffed Casper Van Dien (STARSHIP TROOPERS).  Take the kids and 
leave 'em.  Reviews forthcoming.

Copyright 1998 Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros

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keywords: film movie review mike michael legeros raleigh carolina
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Originally posted to triangle.movies