The Movie Hell™ Disclaimer

I didn't like it? I was way off- base? I need to get a life? Choose one or more of the following excuses: The film broke -  It was out of focus -  The Dolby wasn't working -  The wrong aspect ratio was in use -  The projector bulb was wearing out -  My seat was broken -  The armrest was missing -  The cup holder was too big -  The people behind me wouldn't stop talking -  I couldn't find a seat up front -  My date kept cracking her gum -  Some idiot kept kicking my seat -  The tall guy in front of me blocked the subtitles -  The short guy beside me was wearing too much cologne -  The roof leaked -  The seats squeaked -  The floors were sticky -  The exit light was too bright -  The auditorium smelled like mildewed gym shorts stained with various bodily fluids -  The feature was started early -  I arrived late -  The trailers were lousy -  The film was threaded backwards -  The closing credits were cut off -  The fire alarm went off -  The ushers were unfriendly -  The manager was surly -  I ran out of red Ju-Jy fruits -  The popcorn was stale -  My Coke was flat -  Someone farted -  I got tired -  I fell asleep -  I was on a sugar high -  I got a-scared, covered my eyes, and missed an important part -  My head hurt -  My glasses broke -  My shoes came untied -  The a/c was on in December -  The heat was on in July -  I had to share an armrest -  A baby was crying -  Some woman was sobbing -  A pager went off -  Bottles got knocked over -  Someone's cell phone kept ringing -  The walls were too thin -  The screen was stained -  The fire exit was blocked in the event of an emergency -  The house lights were up -  The curtain was down -  The frame was too high -  The speakers were blown -  Kids were running in the aisles -  People kept arriving after it started -  I was on a first date, made a pass, and got slapped -  I'd already seen the movie -  The book was better -  The script was better -  I ran out of paper -  I dropped my pen -  I left my clipboard in the car -  I'd already seen one movie that day -  I'd already seen two movies that day -  I didn't leave work in time -  My preferred theater was sold-out -  I had to see it while on vacation -  I didn't have enough time to think about it afterward -  I wasn't familiar with the writer -  I'd never heard of the director -  It was a sequel -  It was a comic-book adaptation -  It was a domestic remake of a foreign film -  I didn't get a press kit -  I'd seen the trailer too many times -  Some bozo in the lobby gave away the story surprise -  I wasn't in the mood for a comedy -  I'd had my fill of art films -  I'd been up since 5 a.m. -  I had a long day at the office -  I had a fight with my girlfriend -  My mother was with me -  My date never showed -  I was recovering from outpatient surgery -  The weather was nice, the buzz was bad, and I really, really, really wanted to be somewhere else.