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                    Letters to Hell - November 2000

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Contents
========

  o Mayhem Ether
  o Bagger One
  o Bagger Two
  o Be Glad You Walked Out
  o Transparent, If Not Translucent


Mayhem Ether
============

[ From: Mike From England ]
[ Re: THE NINTH GATE ]

> You have some of the review wrong johhny depp is a rare book 
> dealer not a detective. I wouldnt say johhny depp is in mayhem 
> ether just wanted to let you know ok.  This email has most like-
> ly anoyed you.

[ Not it hasn't.  However, my spell-checker is offended... ]


Bagger One
==========

[ From: Carrie in Cary ]
[ Re: BAGGER VANCE ]

> > Grade: W/O
> > 
> Boy oh boy, somebody is grumpy this month!!  
> 
> And I can't believe you didn't walk out on CHARLIE'S ANGELS!  My
> husband was so ready to leave after an hour, but I had to stay 
> and watch the cheesy-ness!  I think it was worth seeing for Cam-
> eron Diaz's "Soul Train" debut.  (Why "Soul Train?")  Otherwise, 
> what a disappointment!  Not that I was expecting much to begin 
> with...

[ Nor I ]


Bagger Two
==========

[ From: Trees Ann in Raleigh ] 
[ Re: BAGGER VANCE ]

> Your review misses two points up front (though I've not seen the 
> film yet):  the accents are not supposed to sound like Southern-
> ers sound *now*, but how "Savannah-ites" sounded back *then*.  
> (Though accurate execution of same is another matter altogether.)  
> And Jack Lemmon wasn't Felix Unger, that was Walter Matthau.

[ Bzzzt!  Wrong!  See http://us.imdb.com/Title?0063374 ]


Be Glad You Walked Out
======================

[ From: Carrie in Cary ]
[ Re: PAY IT FORWARD ]

> > Grade: W/O
> >
> Be glad you walked out!  I have never been more pissed off by a
> movie than this one, despite having high expectations.  I even 
> was actually enjoying it until--  DON'T READ IF YOU PLAN TO SEE 
> IT AGAIN (ha ha)-- they killed that stupid kid!!!  It was so un-
> necessary!!!  The kid gets stabbed and DIES.  Everyone in the 
> theater got all boo-hooey and I said out loud "THIS SUCKS" and 
> got up with my husband and left.  I felt cheated!  I wanted my 
> money back!  The death of that kid made the movie cheap and che-
> esy and not deserving of my tears.  But boy were the people bal-
> ling in the theater!  I know the make-up was bad and there was a 
> little overacting, but I was still liking it until they pulled 
> that stab scene.  UGH!

[ And there you go ]


Transparent, If Not Translucent
===============================

[ From: Mark, posting to the newsgroup triangle.movies ]
[ Re: My posit that every movie in October sucked ]

> Are we sure we aren't just a little too taken with ourselves 
> here?  After all, with the millions of dollars Hollywood is sink-
> ing into these admittedly less-than-perfect cinematic creations, 
> isn't there a chance that at least one might have a redeeming 
> quality or two?
>
> If we, as members of the unwashed multitudes of Internet aco-
> lytes, decide to accept your predawn ravings as gospel, might we 
> not run the risk of completely forfeiting any chance of indepen-
> dent thought we still retain?
>
> You might want to try painting with a more translucent, if not
> transparent, brush.

[ No can do.  Per membership agreement to Jaded Online Critics So-
  ciety, I must refrain from any and all actions that result in 
  reader thinking.  

  Good night everybody! ]


Copyright 2000 by Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros