Playing with Fire


By Michael J. Legeros


This month, the worst firefighting jokes ever written. These were crafted entirely by Yours Truly, so please direct all vegetables in my direction.

Rim shots not included.

Why did the fire apparatus operator have his blood drawn?
For a pump panel.

Where does a nozzle sleep?
On a hose bed.

What did the Dalmatian say at the airport fire station?

What is the material inside a firefighter's parka?
Hoser down.

What do you call a group of PIOs standing by at a fire scene?
Writ team.

What do you a call a fire-resistant gangster?
Nomex® hood.

How do firefighting elephants communicate?
Trunked radios.

Why did the firefighter perform a lively Scottish Highland dance while pulling a one-inch line?
His captain asked for a booster reel.

Did you hear Smokey Bear has been replaced by a female sheep?
Only ewe can prevent forest fires.

Did you hear about the firefighter who was rejected from his department's talent show?
He was axed.

Did you hear about the D.C. firefighters who answered a medical call at the office of the Senate Majority Leader?
They were Frist responders.

There was a terrible fire at Tara, the plantation where Scarlett O'Hara lived. Though many items were destroyed, quite a few things were saved. Firefighters rescued several books, which they later helped carry back into the building. Ms. O'Hara wanted the salvaged books placed on a pile of items belonging to Mr. Butler. She told them to put the read stuff on the Rhett stuff.

So this firefighter had a Dalmatian that was always getting loose at the station and running into the street. This was only a problem during the day, as the station doors were closed at night. And as the station was the only building on the block, drivers always saw the dog in time. One morning, however, a heavy mist had settled across the area and the drivers didn’t see the spotted dog when he darted out of the station. He died and the grieving firefighter forever remembered that day whenever the weather conditions repeated themselves. He even gave it a name. It was… wait for it… Sparky the dire fog.

That's it for me! Good night everybody!

Note: A version of this column originally appeared at Code 3 Collectibles.


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Copyright 2017 by Michael J. Legeros